Upon publishing yesterday's post here in this blog, I then deep-dived into the usual moral squalor.
We are so quick to run to evil and to embrace debasement.
But at least I was to get to bed early last evening ─ I was there by 9:10 p.m. I was not thereafter aware when my younger brother arrived home from wherever he had gone to drink.
However, I never sleep the night through, and by midnight I was awake enough to be lifting my bandanna blindfold to check the time, and discovering that the bedside lamp by my wife's side of the bed was on. She was obviously home from her long day working at her friend's Thai restaurant.
I could hear that the T.V. was still on, so I knew my brother had not yet gone to bed. And so I remained where I was to wait him out before I rose to put work into the post I have nearing completion at one of my six hosted websites.
To my pleasure, I only had to wait about 10 minutes. My brother shut himself into his bedroom, and I rose and emerged from mine to find that my wife was shut up in the bathroom. Downstairs was in darkness.
When she eventually finished up, she then went downstairs for a brief time, and then came back upstairs to go to bed. In passing the small room where I keep my computer just adjacent to our bedroom, she expressed how good the remaining piece of pizza was that one of her two sons had left downstairs in the kitchen, and she bade me good-night.
I had noticed the Papa John's pizza box there last evening when I was rounding up some supper to enjoy while watching a little T.V. around 8:00 p.m. ─ there were but two pieces of pizza remaining then, and I helped myself to one of them. My brother must not have touched the last slice, and so my wife got it.
I put in some work on the website post; and I suppose that it was right around 4:00 a.m. when I returned to bed. Sleep was none too easy to find, alas.
I think that I probably stuck it out in bed until maybe 8:00 a.m. before rising this morning. My eldest stepson had dutifully risen and driven off to work considerably earlier, but his younger brother was ensconced in the bathroom, forcing me to go downstairs to use the toilet in the boys' den area.
Those brats will never willingly use the toilet down there to relieve themselves. They seem to prefer befouling the atmosphere upstairs, and doing what they can to meantime otherwise inconvenience those of us who are upstairs and might have cause to need use of the toilet.
My brother was to emerge from his bedroom to watch T.V. just ahead of 9:00 a.m.; and my wife rose around 9:45 a.m. to begin readying for her new workday ─ the restaurant she works at opens at 11:00 a.m., but she has a fair drive to get to it.
I joined my brother in the living room at 10:00 a.m. to put our T9 Android 8.1 TV Box to use ─ I had a movie in mind, and I found no trouble locating sources for it in the Cinema HD 'app' that I have downloaded into it.
The movie was 2017's The Space Between Us.
I must say straight off that it exceeded all of my expectations. In fact, late into the movie I was wishing that I was watching the movie in the dark of the evening, for I had to hold my emotions in check and struggle to keep my burning eyes from pouring forth the tears that I wanted to freely let loose.
My brother has something missing emotionally ─ he is only vestigially sentimental, as far as I can tell. For all I know, he may not even have enjoyed the movie for that very reason.
I found myself railing within at God for refusing to release me from my bondage to debt, and allowing my life to trickle out in the most futile waste as I inexorably age toward that point where there will be no recovering from.
The movie had me longing to be financially free from my environmental prison that has me virtually housebound because I cannot bear to be forth in my busy surroundings with no chance of having privacy and solitude ─ nothing is out there but people, traffic, and buildings everywhere for what might as well be endless miles, since I do not drive.
It is no wonder that spiritually I am stunted and base ─ I am little more than a sick rodent locked into a cage where I am likely to have to die because of the peculiarity of my nature that has always seen me shun the public eye and long for unfettered Nature and the peace it affords.
It is not often that I find myself crediting the lead male actor in a movie, but Asa Butterfield did a marvelous job of portraying the Mars-born teen named Gardner, a government secret ─ a teen whose astronaut mother died giving birth to him at the research station on that planet.
Gardner had managed to secretly come to know an Earth girl via computer video-chat who was just a little older than he was, but to whom he always hid his truth ─ the closest he came was insisting that he lived in a New York penthouse and had a rare bone disease that confined him there.
She was resident in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and had very little going for her ─ just a father who loved to drink himself unconscious.
Incidentally, Tulsa was the girl's nickname where our Mars lad was concerned.
I adored actress Britt Robertson in this role, and found myself very attracted to her.
In so many ways, I have always felt like I, too, am closed off from life, the world, and everyone in it. This would be why I appreciated the realness of Asa Butterfield's portrayal. Only, I cannot say that I ever found my Tulsa.
Actress Carla Cugino looked to be in fabulous shape in her role as an astronaut who had come to be practically a foster mother to Gardner on Mars.
I can see myself watching this movie again at some future point by myself once I have lost my familiarity with it, and can then react to it emotionally in full freedom.
Exacerbating my upset with God today has been the fact that the day has been so wonderfully sunny, but I can only remain shut up here in the house. I cannot be outside walking the miles and miles that I would love to be able to engage for wholesome activity and purest reflection.
My cheqeuing account is now well below the sum required to cover the monthly mortgage that may get applied toward the account on the 22nd. Thanks to the various big debts that my pension has to cover due to my wife's financial foolishness ─ and my stupidity and weakness for allowing her to drag me into that debt in the first place ─ she and her eldest son are going to have to come up with something over $600 to cover the mortgage shortfall.
Neither of them yet know this ─ I only worked it out this morning.
However, I will not receive my next monthly pension payment until late next week. In essence, I am flat broke at present and unable to spend a cent until then.
I cannot even buy my wife a bottle of the Merlot wine she likes for her birthday ─ which also happens to be on the 22nd. Because her birthday was so near, I did nothing for her on Valentine's Day. I could not afford both days.
And now I can do nothing at all.
oooooooooooooo
Just after 4:00 p.m. I had to put my troubled self to bed for a nap, and I have been down for well over an hour ─ and I feel considerably better.
However, as I sat here ready to resume this post, at 5:21 p.m. I heard my wife walk through the front door. Apparently she only worked the first half of her day ─ the restaurant closes each day at 3:00 p.m. for 1½ hours.
I would not have much time left to finish this post under normal circumstances with her home, but she quickly alerted me that she was in need of an hour's nap, and so she is now shut up within our bedroom.
Regardless, I might as well finish up ─ she can be fickle about these naps, for she is remarkably high-keyed. She can never leave her cellphone alone, and will probably just wind herself up and be unable to relax.
Google Photos notified me today that it has created a collage of some photos that were taken eight years (2012) when she and I visited the Buddapanyanuntarama Buddhist Monastery in Burnaby for some function that I can no longer recall the purpose for.
The 'temple' was then housed in a large old house, and has since moved to a more imposing edifice not too far from its former location.
By the way, my wife is already out of the bedroom and fussing about in the kitchen ─ it was too near 6:00 p.m., and I expect that she felt that she might as well just stay up and get to bed early this evening.
Anyway, here is the collage:
In the large image at the bottom of the second column, that is my wife in white kneeling on the floor, and me standing beside a monk ─ I think he was probably the head of the group at the monastery.
Here are all five of the original photos ─ I can remember that there was quite a basically pot luck feed at the time:
Well, now both of my stepsons are home ─ all that remains is for my brother to show up from the bar.
Today is bath day for me ─ I must try to get this published and access the bathroom before my eldest stepson takes charge of it and showers away most of the hot water.
Incidentally, I am too late for that bath ─ I no sooner finished typing that last statement, and he had hustled up the stairs to appropriate the bathroom.
But I'm still in a pretty good mood!
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