Last evening I was sufficiently tired that I was set to seek my latter evening nap before my younger brother was yet home from wherever it was that he had gone to do his drinking. However, I did not precede him by much. And it was soon after 9 p.m.
The routine was typical, although I cannot now recollect with any surety whatsoever just when it was that he finally did seek his bedroom for the night and freed me up to rise and come here to my computer to get some work done in full privacy.
If I claimed that it was during the midnight hour, I would be close enough to the actual mark. And I think that it was nigh 5 a.m. when I made my return to bed.
One of the impediments preventing me from doing anything but work at my computer is the excruciating regularity with which I made daily entries into my old journal 40 years ago. Each day into my private blog I post whatever journal entry I wrote that is relevant to this same date back then ─ i.e., 1981. But taking the time to do this is exhausting any chance I might have of getting outside for some therapeutic walking.
However, I dare not fail to make that private blog entry matching my 1981 journal entry, for I just do not have the time for it during the day.
And so each night after I have worked at other tasks such as adding content into whatever new post I am constructing at one of my two hosted websites, I eventually have to curtail that work in order to take the time to post into my private blog.
Unfortunately for me today, since the latter half of 1980 and on into 1981, I did not seem to skip writing an entry; for even when I may have not actually appear to have done so, I would double-up on the following day and force me in the present to create a private blog post to host the material that should have had its own special entry.
As a result, an hour spent creating a private blog post for each of those journal entries that were written 40 years ago keeps me in thrall to my computer with no hope of getting away on a walk of even a mile or so.
Thus, it was once again around 5 a.m. before I had returned to bed. On weekdays, I join my brother around 10 a.m. to put our Android TV Box into action, and we watch various videos and T.V. episodes until approximately 1 p.m. when it becomes time for him to seek some bed rest before he heads off for the afternoon to ultimately resume his daily drinking.
I go nowhere during the day (I do not drive). I hate the damned busy, overcrowded world out there that is my imprisoning environment. There is naught but stress to be found outside during the daytime ─ I want none of it. And so my self-imposed virtual house arrest is perfected.
After having spent three or so hours watching T.V. with my brother, my poor eyes become weary from overuse, and I am unable to do anything constructive such as work on a blog entry. Usually, I have to have one of my delicious rich, hot caffeinated beverages with which to break my intermittent fast and provide me the stimulus to tackle some exercising before I have my day's first meal.
Once I do that ─ eat a meal ─ I become even more incapacitated, and it is nearly invariable that I must seek a nap. I did that today at nearly 4:30 p.m., and even just spending an hour in bed pretty much exhausts my afternoon.
Where today's early morning was concerned, I actually rose just after 8 a.m. and dressed, but I was just too short on sleep to begin my morning. I used the bathroom, and then returned to bed fully clothed and covered over with a blanket. A little further sleep was to be achieved, and when next I checked the time it was around 9:45 a.m.
This has become my life's routine now that I am 71 years old. Yet if only I had not been so productive with my journal 40 years ago, I would at least have a spare hour or so in the wee a.m. to get out into the night and get some wholesome walking accomplished.
Just one puny but vital extra hour to my day....
At present my evening of course is already underway. I noticed after my nap when I went downstairs to fix up my day's second hot caffeinated beverage, it seemed to have rained during my nap. Yet the earlier day had often been brightly sunny.
Today is my (considerably younger) wife's 48th birthday, but at least I have a card for her, along with a bottle of wine. She will most likely be showing up at some point this evening, or else into the a.m. (she has not been home since she left around 10:30 a.m. this past Friday for her part-time job at a Thai restaurant ─ such is our sorry marriage).
I expect that her two sons ─ both of whom are well into their 20s ─ will also have something arranged for their mother.
I wish my life was so much different, but this is it. I am a slave to my years and various infirmities and relentless debt. Only a financial miracle will see me delivered from this.
The physical and mental reserves still exist within me to overcome so much of the decay that I have fallen into, but I need that financial freedom I spoke of in order to effect the transformation. Otherwise, I shall remain incarcerated here in my heavily mortgaged home, wholly cut off from the natural world that is far beyond my reach ─ an environment that I have longed for all of my life since my earliest adolescence.
Nevertheless, happy birthday, my wife! At least I made it possible for you to have a life far from your limited and restricted existence in the Isaan region of Thailand; and your two young sons were able to also come here to later become Canadian citizens after five years, ultimately acquiring Canadian high school diplomas, jobs, driver's licences, friends (and even girlfriends betimes).
But at such a cost to me ─ in fact, probably my utter undoing.
And I think I have said enough for today.
Oh yes ─ all of us received our income tax forms for 2020 in today's mail.
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