At this very moment, it is 9:34 a.m. And as yet, I have not heard a thing from my wife since our heartfelt text exchanges late Saturday afternoon and into the evening.
She typically spends her weekends somewhere in Vancouver, so nothing about this reticence or absence is unusual. She essentially only shows up here at our Surrey home to do some cooking for the household, and to get some sleep at nights during her workweek, for we live far nearer than is Vancouver to the Thai restaurant that she works at.
On Wednesday coming, she is supposed to go with her youngest son (who will have his 22nd birthday later this year) to meet with someone at one of those debt consolidation agencies.
He set it up.
My wife has blown through so much of our credit in the past year to fuel her gambling at a casino, that I can only wildly guess at the total; but I can confidently say that we are now over $50,000 or more deeper into debt than was the situation before.
And it was very bad before.
And it was very bad before.
Her youngest son wanted some help from me three days ago to map out her situation as concerns the following ─ as requested by that debt consolidation agency:
- Monthly Income and Assets – Homes, cars and investments
- Debts - Who you owe and how much you owe them
- Monthly expenses – Housing, food, utilities, transportation and family
But I could help with nothing. She has not been depositing her paycheques into our chequing account in recent months, nor helping with the monthly mortgage.
I do not drive, so I know nothing of the vehicle situation.
This Vancouver nonsense has been going on for several years ─ she can barely be said to live here at home anymore. I don't even know where in Vancouver she stays, nor who the "gent" there is who is so important to her.
He may be Gay ─ my wife has always had lots of male Gay friends even back in Thailand.
And I think it is his car she drives ─ she likely pays the insurance.
I don't know which of her friends she owes money to ─ she says that she owes them a total of around $6,000. She also has credit cards independent of those I am involved with, so that is also an area I cannot help with.
Her "monthly expenses" are impossible to even start to identify. She hasn't been helping out with the mortgage nor utilities here for several months, as I have already said. So whatever her expenses are at her other residence in Vancouver is beyond my imagination, as are her transportation expenses.
I probably should go with her and the lad if they keep this appointment on Wednesday, but doing so would open up wide our personal affairs and shameful marital relationship.
Does the lad want that?
It is a conversation he and I have not yet had.
He is irritated with me for allowing his mother to fall so far into debt. And for all I know, he may even blame me for the poor marriage she and I have.
Much of that is certainly my fault, for I have 'performance' inadequacies, and so we have not been intimate since March 2013. I am a little more than 23 years her senior.
Nevertheless, we are amicable enough. We just do not talk. Both of us are the personality type that clams up and bottles up.
oooooooooooooo
... And now the youngest lad has come home, and we've been talking to some length. He should have been at work, but he apparently got punched in the face by a total stranger while the youngster was waiting for a bus. He apparently was engrossed in his cellphone when the stranger tapped him on the arm to get his attention, and then the guy drove his fist into the kid's upper lip and nose.
Anyway, the lad is so unhappy with his mother that he does want me to go with them on Wednesday to the credit consolidation meeting, and if it results in his mother's humiliation, then so be it.
He has texted her that the three of us need to talk ─ she is probably working at the restaurant.
However, the two of them can converse in enough Thai that my brother would not be privy to anything they were talking about. I cannot join in any such conversation. Consequently, I would be unable to engage in a three-way conversation until after my brother has gone to bed for the night, which he does not typically do until into the midnight hour.
I am going to take a break from this post. It is now 11:50 a.m. ─ I may yet find that I have to conclude for the day and say nothing further.
oooooooooooooo
It is now 5:12 p.m., and I had a very needed nap ─ I was in bed from approximately 2:00 p.m. until just after 5:00 p.m.
I did rise once to use the bathroom. And right around 2:00 p.m., one of the banks my wife has us indebted to made its third robocall of the day to my cellphone. The call of course went unawnswered.
It has been raining most of the day, and has been doing so since well before dawn ─ I was up from approximately 2:00 a.m. until a little after 5:00 a.m.
Had I slept better despite getting to bed before 9:20 p.m. last evening, I likely would have gone on an early a.m. walk. Instead, I just put in some work on the post I ought to finally have finished and published within a week at one of my six hosted websites.
I also put in a six minute and 10 second plank. I seem to have given up trying to plank daily. And however it was that I actually managed to plank for just over 12 minutes on four or five different occasions in recent weeks is now beyond my understanding.
Returning now to my morning discussion with my youngest stepson, he actually recommended that I divorce his mother. He feels that it is the only way she will ever quit sucking me dry financially ─ she and I have to no longer have those legally-binding ties and bonds.
But I do not hate the wretched thing, after all. Sometimes, I find myself feeling as kindly and solicitous off her as if she were a child in my charge.
Besides, I did a little research and found that here in B.C., unless a divorce can be proven on adulterous or physical abuse grounds, then it is necessary to have a one-year separation before divorce proceedings can go ahead.
To be utterly frank, at my age now of 70, I would just prefer to not be living any longer than to get involved in a process like that.
What benefit would there be to me at this stage in my life?
The lad even speculated that it might be possible to place every dollar of debt onto her if I got the proper legal representation.
But she would die in debt if that happened. She has no job or other money-engendering skills, apart from that of restaurant work ─ she is extremely capable in kitchens of Thai restaurants, but there is no future in it. There is no pension plan, nor sick and vacation benefits.
I do not know for certain how much formal education she ever got back in Thailand, but she has claimed Grade Ⅸ ─ it would quite surprise me if my formerly simple Isaan girl actually completed that much schooling.
Maybe all she needs is a shocking scare at just where her fiscal irresponsibility may well lead. I know that she is feeling a hell of a lot of stress for what she has done, but it doesn't seem to be enough to stop her from partying with her friends.
She must learn to say, "No." She cannot jump to every beckoning she gets ─ she has done that for too many years.
It is almost all-important to 'save face' in Thailand, and that concept is deeply embedded within her.
It is almost all-important to 'save face' in Thailand, and that concept is deeply embedded within her.
She never had aught but other poor friends back in Thailand. To be here with the wide assortment of relatively well-to-do Thai and Lao ladies she deems to be her friends would have been unimaginable for her before she met and married me.
And so it is that she lives above our means in her desperation to keep the acceptance that she has and undoubtedly craves.
I know all this, and understand it. But it cannot go on.
I do not want to blog further today.
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