New Year's Eve 2019

The Christmas movie that I tuned in quite early last evening was 2010's The Night Before the Night Before Christmas, a fun little story that had me quite emotional toward the finish.

I suppose that it's thanks to the T.V. series Taken in which Jennifer Beals had the role of a very capable head of a CIA unit, I now have trouble identifying her anymore with her 1983 Flashdance character ─ for she caught the attention of a whole lot of male viewers way back then, and I was definitely among them!

The entire cast in The Night Before the Night Before Christmas did a grand job, and I especially loved the tender scenes deep into the movie when Jennifer Beal's T.V. teen daughter ─ as portrayed by Rebecca Williams ─ put aside her somewhat rebellious or uncooperative side and began embracing her family, both figuratively and literally.   

It's unfortunate that the young actress gave up acting, if Wikipedia is correct about that.

My younger brother arrived home from the bar before the movie was likely half finished, but he was to sit and watch what remained with apparent interest and no complaint.

Then we watched regular T.V. fare via our T9 Android 8.1 TV Box. One of the shows was the first episode of season two of Wallander ─ we already watched season one in the recent few months.

None of the streaming 'apps' that I have downloaded into our Android TV Box seem able to locate these early episodes, so I am having to resort to the likes of websites such as Movieland.to which I access through the Firefox browser 'app' that I also have downloaded into the device.

However, last evening, my brother and I had to abandon the last three or four minutes of the video because the scene froze right at the point where the second of two killers was apprehended at a fair. What was peculiar about the freeze is that even though the video stopped, as did the sound, the timer kept racking up the seconds as if the video was till playing.

But we reconciled ourselves with the fact that at least we knew that the 'bad guys' had been captured; and a suspension that Wallander had been issued for shooting and killing a third killer earlier could not possibly be upheld indefinitely. He wouldn't be losing his job.

My wife showed up after her long workday at her friend's Thai restaurant later that evening, and was to bed just ahead of me ─ I joined her at 1:06 a.m.

However, by 7:30 a.m. this morning I was up for the morning because I seemed unable to sleep any further. And to my considerable surprise, I exited the bedroom to find that my younger brother was already downstairs watching T.V.!

My wife was to work today, too ─ she usually has an 11:00 a.m. start. This morning, she got up shortly around 9:00 a.m. so that she could get started on some cooking for us all (i.e., not just my brother and I, but her two young adult sons). 

A letter had come for her yesterday from Canada Revenue Agency, so she alerted me to what it was about ─ they declare that after a reassessment of her 2018 tax return, she now owes back around $350.

Of course, that is a debt I must also shoulder; and ultimately, my own financial situation is going to eventually result in a billing from the government because early this year I qualified for a retroactive hike in my pension because our combined family incomes fell below a specific threshold.   

Since my wife has now been deemed to have earned something like $3,300 or more than was declared on her tax return, I expect that they will be clawing back some or all of the small retroactive pension windfall that I had received and badly needed.

I became so agitated this morning after learning about this, that I was unable to help but see my wife as a financial cancer in my life. She has me buried in debt ─ I will never live long enough to be rid of it. And I am a helpless prisoner, unable to travel or even have friends because I cannot afford to do anything.  

My social life is restricted to the four other people living in this house.

Suicide started entering my thoughts once again. I'm 70 years old, and have nothing to look forward to ─ just debt for the remainder of my life. And not one dollar of it is debt that I personally racked up ─ my wife has squandered every bit of the credit that has me struggling to keep my head above water.

That CRA billing was like yet another great stone tethered to one of my ankles as I do my best to remain afloat in life and not just surrender and drown.

My wife will be partying with her friends tonight after she finishes work. I will still be sitting here at home, unable to afford to go anywhere nor do anything. Debt means nothing to my wife ─ her friends and keeping face with them are all that matter to her.    

Since my brother's girlfriend Bev ─ who works in a bar ─ is working today, and also has to work tomorrow, he will not likely be celebrating with her. In other words, he will probably be home at some point this evening from the bar, I expect.

This is my life now. What there is of it. I can sit and put up with my drunken brother this evening if he comes home polluted drunk; or if he is not here by mid-evening, I can go to bed to avoid him.

Or I can risk that he won't be home at all, and sit up all by myself, drinking alone. 

My two stepsons and I do not much interact, so they will mainly remain in their den area amusing themselves. Or maybe they will have places each can be, for they do have friends. After all, they both have jobs and can afford to have fun.

Experiencing the death of yet another year is nothing I enjoy ─ a part of me dies along with the year.

God Himself has long forsaken me, it is clear. I was wrong all of my life ─ I am not special. Not one little bit.

And I don't know what to do.

By the way, I think that it took the entire month, but I finally finished and published the post I have been working on at my painfully misnamed website My Retirement Dream.

The post is Padang Tourist Attractions Ⅱ, if anyone cares to know.

I have never explained this before, but the young woman shielding her eyes from the Sun, as she looks toward the camera in the banner image at that website, is my wife ─ but the photo was taken before we ever met. She was still a simple village girl in her latter 20s living near the city of Udon Thani in Thailand. 

That is not her anymore.

Happy New Year!

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The Eve Before New Year's Eve 2019

Early last evening, I managed to catch one further Christmas movie that I was able to watch via our T9 Android 8.1 TV Box ─ probably using the Cinema HD 'app' that I have downloaded into the device. 

The movie was 2010's A Nanny for Christmas, and it was better than I had thought it might be. And although lead actress Emmanuelle Vaugier's name was meaningless to me, I definitely recognized her from some of her other roles.

She is very beautiful, but it looked to me as if there is just something a little 'off' where her eyes are concerned ─ it almost seemed like she might have suffered some sort of ocular damage earlier in life. Her soulful eyes didn't seem to me to be evenly aligned.

Her supporting actress Cynthia Gibb had the lead role in another Christmas movie I had watched within the past week or two ─ 2007's An Accidental Christmas. I liked her character in that older movie somewhat more than I did in A Nanny for Christmas.

However, Cynthia's two T.V. kids were perfectly adorable in last evening's feature. And even though the actor playing her son was absolutely familiar to me, I just could not place where I knew him from. I now see that he played the role of young magic-believer Henry in the T.V. series Once Upon a Time.

The youngster ─ Jared Gilmore ─ is now 19 years old as of exactly seven months ago!

I enjoyed the movie, but I cannot say for certain that I would ever deliberately choose to watch it again in the future. Its Christmas association was not all that strong.

Following the movie, I watched an episode of The Rookie. That took me to a little past 9:00 p.m., and my younger brother was still not home from wherever he had gone to drink.

I expected that he would probably be too drunk to be worth trying to watch any shows with, so I turned off the T.V. and came upstairs here to my computer. And within a very few minutes, I heard him coming into the house ─ followed under a minute later by my youngest stepson, who had been away in his older brother's car.

Judging by my brother's brief conversation with the young man, I figured that my brother was best avoided. And so it was that before it was quite 9:30 p.m., I was into my bed. My brother was downstairs already reclined in front of the T.V. he had turned on.

I felt a little guilty, but no one is forcing him to go out and get drunk every damned day. I had nursed maybe three or so ounces of Captain Morgan spiced rum during the Christmas movie, but that was it. 

The rum, by the way, was a Christmas present from my brother. 

I managed to quell my sentimentality concerning my brother, and eventually managed to fall asleep.

But by 2:00 a.m. at latest, I was awake and getting up from bed to come here to my computer and put more work into the post I have almost completed at one of my six hosted websites. First, though, I went downstairs and turned on the living room Christmas lights. And then I went outside into a very light, misty rain and took a small stroll just up the street to see what other homes still had Christmas lights on display.

There were few within sight that did. Most people probably turn off their lights when they go to bed for the night.

Anyway, had I slept longer, I had thought that I might undergo the nearly three-mile hike to a specific supermarket to do a little shopping ─ the store opens at 7:00 a.m., so I would have wanted to be leaving here by around 6:15 a.m.  

Well, I was back in bed before it was yet 5:30 a.m. The trip was off.

The outdoor Christmas lights had been on ever since the evening when I watched the Christmas movie, so I turned them off early this morning ere my return to bed. The house was in full darkness at last. 

It was a little after 9:00 a.m. when I roused and then got up once more. My brother had not yet emerged from his bedroom.

Had he not done so by 10:00 a.m., I was going to have an old Christmas movie all set to play on T.V. downstairs. However, it was not to be ─ he too soon did come forth from his bedroom. 

I suppose it has pretty much lightly rained all the day, and is still doing so this evening ─ and it seems so mild out. Early this a.m. when I scouted around a short distance up the street, I had no jacket ─ just a t-shirt.

I watched some T.V. with my brother from 10:00 a.m. till a bit after 1:00 p.m. when he sought some bed rest to fortify himself for his afternoon venture forth to go drinking. I had a small meal, then also returned to my bed and napped.

My brother was gone when I rose.

Right now it is 6:23 p.m., and I would like to try and tune in yet another Christmas movie before my brother shows up ─ and I'll have some more of my spiced rum.

Before I close, however, I want to recognize that today is the third anniversary since lovely, young 12-year-old Katelyn Nicole Davis of the state of Georgia hung herself in her yard as darkness closed in for the night.

Yesterday I talked a little about her, for I was extremely depressed very early in the morning. At the time, I did not feel like linking to any articles about her for anyone reading this who is unfamiliar with the poor thing.

Well, it happened yesterday that I came across a very touching 26-minute tribute of sorts that a young man made for her exactly a year after her suicide. I did not expect that I would watch it ─ it seemed too long. But I did.

Provided that the video remains available, you can find it here ─ it has a "viewer discretion" advisory: Katelyn Nicole Davis ─ ONE YEAR LATER.

As I said, it is now three years later, and she is not forgotten in the least.

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💀☠💀☠💀☠ Christmas Movies and Depression

"For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do."

I've been watching so many Christmas movies that I am close to forgetting what they are, or if I have already mentioned them.

My wife had unexpectedly arrived home late last afternoon or very early in the evening, and got busy with some cooking. She usually spends her weekends somewhere in Vancouver ─ such is my marriage, and my failure as a husband. 

She did some cooking for her two sons and I, and then after a time I was certain that it was she who headed out the front door with no more than a softly spoken "Bye" as I watched a Christmas movie and indulged in some Appleton Estate Signature Blend amber rum. 

She would not likely return until probably late Monday evening or early in the dark a.m. hours of Tuesday following her long Monday workday at her friend's Thai restaurant.

I was sufficiently benumbed by the rum ─ and preoccupied with the movie ─ that I did not feel the degree of loss and self-pity that this might normally have generated. 

The movie wasn't the sort of Christmas fare that I like best, but it was a cute watch ─ 2009's 12 Men of Christmas. 

Tiny actress Kristin Chenoweth is usually a lot of naughty fun, particularly when she is somehow the leading lady and ultimately some guy's femme fatale. So I did got a kick out of watching the movie's storyline develop.

When I saw the opening credits, I correctly realized that former child actress Anna Chlumsky was also being featured. She made an unforgettable impression on me in the 1991 movie My Girl when she was only 10 or 11 years old.

I was also pleased to recognize the name of supporting actress Chantal Perron, for I had just seen her a day or two before in a supporting role in the Christmas movie A Very Merry Daughter of the Bride where I wished that she had been given a whole lot more attention ─ I thought that she looked rather 'hot'.

At the movie's conclusion, I wanted to have a beer instead of more rum, so I went upstairs to get one ─ I keep my supply under my bed.

Well, the bedroom door was shut tight. Was it possible that my wife was still home and trying to catch up on some sleep? Not wanting to disturb her, I decided to watch another Christmas movie and have some more rum.

Eventually it occurred to me to see if her car was here ─ it was. Her eldest son's car was the one that had left earlier.

Anyway, my next movie choice was 2009's The Christmas Hope ─ just the sort of outstanding Christmas movie that I like best. One of the main actresses was beautiful Madeleine Stowe ─ a name familiar to me, but I do not exactly know why. Her T.V. husband was the very recognizable and ultra-sensitive-looking James Remar. However, it was child actress Tori Barban who captured my heart.

I shed a lot of tears during this feature.

It turned out that my wife was indeed catching some sleep. At one point during the movie, her youngest son went upstairs and rapped on the door and called to his mother until she responded. Apparently it had been arranged that he would rouse her at some appointed time.

Not much time was wasted, and then the two of them left together. She was obviously taking him somewhere, and not to return. However, by now I was in the grip of the rum and hardly cared.

At the conclusion of this movie, I retrieved a couple cans of the strong (8% alcohol) beer under my bed, and then sought one more movie ─ another 2009 feature titled Mrs. Miracle.

Note that I was finding sources for the movies through the 'apps' that I have downloaded into my T9 Android 8.1 TV Box.

I don't like bratty boys, so the twin youngsters at the start of the movie turned me right off. As far as I was concerned, they deserved a damned good ass-kicking for their wretched misconduct.

What kept me watching was actress Erin Karpluk, whom I have always been attracted to ever since her T.V. series Being Erica. Her natural and wholesome good looks and great physical shape make her practically irresistible in my eyes.

Incidentally, I had enjoyed her in her supporting role in another Christmas movie earlier this month ─ 2004's Eve's Christmas.

Mrs. Miracle turned out to be quite good overall ─ mostly thanks to Erin's presence, I have to say. Of the three movies I watched, I rate it in second place.

I actually was not going to watch that movie, for it was past mid-evening when the second one finished. I tried to settle for Christmas music videos via the YouTube 'app' in our Android TV Box, but after a few I abandoned the idea and went for the third movie.

I wanted to go shopping very early this morning, but the two cans of strong beer on top of maybe five or so ounces of rum did a nasty number on me. I can't even say just what time it was when I went to bed ─ possibly after midnight.

I rose at 5:15 a.m., but it seemed doubtful that I would be able to recover in time to go shopping ─ my destination would have been at least 2½ miles from here, and I wanted to get there as near after its 7:00 a.m. opening as I could in order to avoid as much of the daytime as I could.

I had left the indoor and outdoor Christmas lights on all night ─ on purpose. So I fixed up a mug of hot, strong, instant black coffee and began work on the post I intend to have completed and published by month's end.

I was to become very agitated as the early morn wore on, and I found myself too enfeebled by the drink and inadequate sleep to be able to go anywhere. But I was also despondent, suffering from some alcohol withdrawal. God seemed so unforgivably cruel, and my life a barren morass of hopelessness.

I even began dwelling upon poor Katelyn Nicole Davis, a lovely, large-eyed 12-year-old girl in the state of Georgia who broadcast online (via her propped-up cellphone) her own suicide by hanging on December 30, 2016 as the seasonally early darkness grew deeper and deeper in the treed yard where everything ended for her.

It seems to me that I downloaded a copy of her 20-minute video ─ perhaps it is on an older and weaker computer I have that I have not turned on in many months. The video is not something I can easily watch, so I have not looked for it. 

It pains me that she made enough online references ─ even at her YouTube account ─ of what she was considering, but apparently not one human being bothered to reach out to her.

I sure do know what that's like. 

If you know nothing of the lass, you can easily enough find numerous reports about her ─ I don't want to link to any.

Anyway, it was not until maybe 9:15 a.m. that I returned to bed following the embracement of endorphin-flooding corruption, and I remained there until just after 11:00 a.m. By then, my younger brother had made it home from his girlfriend Bev's home where he had stayed overnight, and he was within his closed bedroom seeking extra bed rest. 

My nap bestowed considerable rejuvenation ─ it was quite remarkable, in fact.

After a rich caffeinated beverage, I was able to tackle some strenuous exercise out in the backyard toolshed while my brother watched some of one or more NFL games, for he emerged from his bedroom while I was still drinking the hot brew.

Then after I got myself some of the pasta dish my wife prepared yesterday, I was eating it upstairs here at my computer when my brother let me know that he was heading away for the afternoon ─ he will be resuming his daily drinking.

Right now it is 3:43 p.m., and I would like to seek some further bed rest. I just may manage to get out and accomplish something after darkness. I don't drive, so I will be walking. However, I don't yet  have a solid plan of action.

Heck, I might even decide to tune in another Christmas movie and have some rum to try and dispel the mounting anxiety and loneliness that I am presently feeling ─ it is a debilitating sensation, to be sure.

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Continuing With My Christmas Movie Entertainment

I was able to log in two further Christmas movies last evening before my younger brother made it home from the bar. Throughout the pair, I enjoyed two cans of the strong (8% alcohol) beer that I try to keep in stock, plus two or three ounces of Appleton Estate Signature Blend amber rum.

Note that I had a supper after the second beer and before I started into the rum ─ the meal centred around a delicious turkey drumstick.

The first movie I watched via the Cinema HD 'app' downloaded into our T9 Android 8.1 TV Box was The Christmas Choir. I don't have any idea how closely the movie story resembled the true event it is based upon, but I don't believe that I will likely watch the movie again at some future Christmastime.

Even so, I very much enjoyed watching very beautiful actress Marianne Farley who played a gal staffing a subway token booth who was to become romantically involved with the main character. I was wholly unfamiliar with her, and curious to learn her age ─ good luck with that! She has done a superb job of keeping her birth date secret from the world.

The second movie I tuned in via that same 'app' was Our First Christmas. I think that I got more emotional from this movie than I did from The Christmas Choir.

Basically, the plot involved a couple of single parents living together in a sunny clime such as would be experienced around Los Angeles, and who married one another less than a year earlier ─ both of them were widowers, having each lost their first spouse.

The woman had a teen daughter, while the man had a very young son and a tween daughter. The man's father lived down the street from the merged family, and was a common fixture ─ apparently he was a retired minister or priest.

Christmas was coming, and both sets of step-siblings had their hearts set upon celebrating the kind of Christmas each had always experienced when both of their biological parents were together. 

In the case of the woman and her daughter, that had always been spending Christmas at a rented cabin in the wintry mountains of another state where they typically skied and had snowball fights and all the rest of what goes with a snowy Christmas. 

The father and his two kids had always become involved in some local Christmas pageant and celebrated the family Christmas there at home.

Somewhat complicating things was the visit of the woman's former mother-in-law (played by Dixie Carter of Designing Women) who of course is still the grandmother of the woman's daughter. Fortunately, the mother and the grandmother are very close to one another ─ none of the stereotypical mother-in-law / daughter-in-law conflicts.

The reason that the grandmother's visit was anything like a complication is because she brought some gifts ─ snowy-mountain related presents like a snowboard and skis, for she was always included in the annual cabin retreat. 

What was nice about how this was played is that the step-siblings actually cared very much for one another, so there were no rivalrous tantrums.

And of course, there seemed something brewing between the grandmother ─ who looked damned fetching in her tight jeans, I must say ─ and the man's father.

The two daughters were both adorable; and were played by Cassi Thomson as the older girl, and Grace Fulton as the younger lass who was attractive beyond her young years.

I can see myself watching this movie again at a future Christmastime.

I see that actress Dixie Carter is exactly six months and a day older than I am ─ she turned 70 back in April, whereas I did not until October.

It was also a little interesting to me that actress Kat Graham had a supporting role as an assistant to the grandmother back where the grandmother lived and worked. I well recognized Kat as the witch character Bonnie from the T.V. series Vampire Diaries, even though the actress's name rang no bells.

As I have pointed out in a recent previous post, I tend to dwell upon the actresses in the movies and T.V. shows that I watch, so I don't often bother identifying or commenting upon the actors.

Our First Christmas happily concluded before my younger brother was yet home. The evening was wearing on, so I decided to call it quits where T.V. was concerned and get to bed in order to avoid having to potentially sit up late with my brother.

I cannot remember the exact time now, but it may have been after 10:00 p.m. once I was into bed, and he was still not home. At least one of my two stepsons were present, so I left all of the indoor and outdoor Christmas lights on.

I slept, but by around 2:00 a.m. I felt like I was into a hangover, and in need of a visit to the bathroom and a good drink of cold water. By then, my brother was already shut up into his bedroom for the night, and he had turned off the indoor Christmas lights.

I returned to bed for some more dreamy sleep, and next found myself checking the time at 4:00 a.m. Initially I thought to try for some further sleep, but then I remembered that it was likely best that I rise and put some work into the post I am nearing completion at one of my six hosted websites.

And so I rose, and turned back on the indoor Christmas lights downstairs in the living room.

I was not ready to return to bed until nigh 6:15 a.m., if I am remembering correctly; and I did so after turning off all of the Christmas lights.

I gained some further sleep, and did not again check the time until just after 9:00 a.m. It seemed to me that the T.V. was on already ─ this is practically unthinkable, for my brother usually involves himself with the Saturday morning edition of the Vancouver Sun until the arrival of midday.

And sure enough ─ I opened my bedroom door around 9:15 a.m. to see him already reclined in his chair and watching T.V. I remained upstairs at work on my private blog here at my computer until around 10:00 a.m., then went downstairs to fix myself a hot caffeinated beverage.

He was watching nature shows. Upon enquiring, I learned that he had indeed already burned through the newspaper ─ apparently it was exceptionally thin today.

Well, had he not already immersed himself into T.V., it had been my intention to tune in an old Bing Crosby Christmas movie at 10:00 a.m. But I had no intention of joining him to watch nature shows, so I returned here to continue working ─ this time on this post in my public blog.

Right now it is 11:53 a.m. as I type these words, and my brother has for some while been shut up in his bedroom already seeking some further rest. Perhaps I will break now, and see about getting some more time in bed myself. 

oooooooooooooo

Right now, the time is 4:30 p.m., and I have basically just finished watching yet another Christmas movie ─ 2008's A Kiss at Midnight. 

Well, it had nothing at all to do with Christmas, so I'm not even going to speak of it, even though I did enjoy it.

My wife has made an extremely unusual appearance just as I have begun resuming this post, and she has changed into her housecoat ─ she must be planning to spend some time here. Normally, she spends her weekends somewhere in Vancouver.

Such is my disastrously failed marriage.

She seems to be doing some cooking, but she is only home now for the sake of her two sons, I have no doubt.

The eldest lad earlier took my brother to Home Depot where my brother bought three rolls of wide-mesh wire that I thought he intended to line the base of our backyard wooden fence with in order to deter skunk access and the further lawn damage one or more of them are wreaking by tearing up the lawn turf in apparent search of grubs and worms and whatever else. 

However, instead my brother and stepson laid some of the wire across the huge portion of the lawn where the vandalism has been active. He intends to leave it thus until the Spring when he hopes to try and restore the lawn, and probably drench it with insecticide to render it less productive of the dietary morsels that are so clearly attracting the skunks.   

Since I am unlikely to be blogging any further today, I will close here ─ I have no idea how long my wife is going to be home. I indulged in some more of the rum while watching A Kiss at Midnight, and I now intend to drink some more after tuning in some other movie as yet undetermined.

My brother left shortly before the movie finished to go drinking, so I am hoping that he will be later spending the evening and the night at the home of his girlfriend Bev.

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Still Watching Chrstmas Movies and Listening to Christmas Music

Early last evening I tuned in the 2008 Christmas movie A Very Merry Daughter of the Bride using the Cinema HD 'app' that I have downloaded into our T9 Android 8.1 TV Box.

I did not certainly recognize one of the main actresses ─ JoAnna Garcia Swisher ─ but I now realize that she had the role of Ariel in the T.V. series Once Upon a Time which I regularly watched.

I was familiar enough, though, with Helen Shaver, who was playing JoAnna Garcia's T.V. mother. Helen has acted for decades, but apparently not recently ─ she turned 68 back in February, so she's a little over 1⅓ years younger than I am (if I calculated that correctly).

Playing some rather 'hot stuff' roles is behind her now, as are any fairly action-involved roles. 

The movie was okay, but I won't likely ever be watching it again. It was not that good.

I was drinking some Appleton Estate Signature Blend amber rum throughout the feature, and at the movie's end I felt unexpectedly depleted ─ I had thought to keep watching Christmas movies until my younger brother got home from the bar he was drinking at.

And so I decided to have a needed bath to perk up with ─ it was maybe 8:00 p.m.

When I finished, I exited the bathroom to see that my brother was downstairs and planted in his chair before the T.V. ─ and passed out already.

Well, there would be no further T.V. for me ─ I will not sit in the company of a passed out drunkard. And although he was not out for too terribly long, the damage was done. I was tired; so just because he got his second wind, I had no intention of sitting up deep into the midnight hour operating our Android TV Box (he doesn't know how to work it).

Besides, he would only bellyache if I tried to watch anything sentimentally Christmas-related, and I was not quite in the mood for regular T.V. fare.

And so I had some supper here upstairs at my computer; and then after brushing my teeth and readying for and into bed, it was a little after 10:00 p.m.

Then in what seemed less than 10 minutes, my wife was home from her long day working at her friend's Thai restaurant. I never know when she'll show up ─ sometimes she misbehaves and does not come home until well into the a.m.

Initially I was distressed, for even wearing a blindfold and earplugs, I find myself too uneasy to sleep when she is in and out of the bedroom, and especially when she leaves the light on.

Fortunately, though, she did not sit up late as she often does. Well within an hour, she, too, had retired for the night.

Around 8:30 a.m. this morning, my wife's cellphone alarm sounded. Normally, she does not rise till around 10:00 a.m. to begin readying for her day, for even though she has a fair drive to get to work, the restaurant does not open until 11:00 a.m.

Well, she didn't rise just then at 8:30 a.m., and about 10 minutes later, her alarm sounded again. And this time, she did get up.

I waited until she had exited the bedroom, and then I also rose ─ my brother was already downstairs watching T.V.

It seems that my wife wanted to get up early so that she could do some cooking for us all. She also prepared three turkey drumsticks for roasting in the oven, leaving them with me to cook sometime in the afternoon (I never got them started until 5:36 p.m.).

And then at her appointed time, she left us ─ but bearing a lot of baggage, which somewhat surprised me.

You see, she usually spends her weekends somewhere in Vancouver, and rarely comes home from work on Fridays. What surprised me so much was that I thought that it was only Thursday today. It was not until the afternoon that I realized what the true day of the week is.

At 10:00 a.m., by the way, I did tune in a so-called Christmas movie for my brother and I to watch ─ again using the Cinema HD 'app' in our Android TV Box. However, it was not at all 'sappy', and so my brother didn't grumble.

The movie was 2005's The Ice Harvest.

It was no more a comedy than it was a Christmas movie.

Although it was interesting enough without any question, I don't feel the need to ever see it again.

Following the movie, I then tuned in an episode each of Game of Thrones (we're only into season two) and The Conners.

Thereafter, it was time for some bed rest for my brother, for as usual he would be heading away in the afternoon to go drinking. I soon enough also sought a nap, and was only down approximately an hour. My brother is usually gone by the time I rise from these naps, but he was still here ─ out in the backyard tamping down clumps of turf that one or more skunks keep turning over and ripping up as they search for grubs and such.

I took at couple of candid photos through the living room window of my brother when he went to the front yard to do the same ─ I took these at 3:11 p.m.:

The damage in the front lawn is nothing compared to how the backyard looks. It has now gotten to the point that my brother plans to go to Home Depot tomorrow to buy a roll of wire to see if he can effectively reinforce the backyard wooden fence near its base to try and prevent the vandalous critters from gaining entry any longer.

Anyway, just a few minutes after I took those two photos, my brother left afoot to find his way to the bar. He is presently suspended from driving, and his van is still impounded.

I am again in the mood for a Christmas movie as I type these words at 6:00 p.m., so I wish to wrap up this post and get it published. This time, I will only enjoy some beer while watching whatever I tune in ─ I don't want to burn myself out on rum like I did yesterday. I can always have some rum later in the evening after my brother is home.

I will try and force another Christmas movie on him, as well. I just have to ensure that it is not the romantic, emotional stuff that I masochistically subject myself to.

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Boxing Day 2019

It is already 5:15 p.m., and I am eager to tune in a Christmas movie via our T9 Android 8.1 TV Box and get at a little drinking before my younger brother shows up from wherever it is that he went off just ahead of mid-afternoon to drink.

Last evening I was doing the same, quite enjoying the 2008 feature Will You Merry Me? I had been feeling despondent and lonely over the afternoon, and was anticipating much the same for the evening.

Then about 7:40 p.m. my wife arrived home, followed less than 10 minutes later by my brother.

My wife had been gone for over 24 hours ─ she went off to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day at the home of her friend (and employer). Clearly, doing so with her friend's family meant more to her than to be spending the time here with me (and her two adult sons).

Anyway, when my brother eventually got around to sitting down to watch the movie, he seemed okay with it, for it was a decent enough comedy. We're both rather old fans of Wendy Malick, whom I see turned 69 years old earlier this month (the 13th). I am just over 13 months older than her, then.

Another familiar face was supporting actress Cynthia Stephenson, who always plays a very sympathetic character with her pleasant and gentle looks and demeanour, and her rather soothing voice.

I was unfamiliar with lead actress Vikki Krinsky, although she did seem like someone I had seen act before.

My brother protests most Hallmark-style Christmas movies when he's drinking, so I had to avoid tuning in any smacking of their more traditional fare. And so I opted to tune in two movies I had already watched this month which I knew he was likely to enjoy.

I led off with the zany Christmas movie Just Friends, and was surprised and delighted when my wife actually joined us to watch it while she ate some of the supper she had finished cooking up. Both she and my brother openly enjoyed the movie.

My next choice was A Grandpa for Christmas. Initially I got some grumbling from my brother, but he could not help but warm up to the storyline and the wonderful young actress (Juliette Goglia) who did such a superb job in the film.

By the time this movie had finished, it was well after midnight. My brother only wanted to watch something short, but I wanted to tune in a 1948 John Wayne Western titled 3 Godfathers. I assured him that we could cancel out of the movie at some point and continue with it when next we watched T.V.

And that we did ─ I stopped it around the 45-minute mark, and we resumed it a little after 10:00 a.m. this morning.

It had some excellent touches, but was pretty darned hoaky or corny at its finish. However, I have wanted to see this movie now for a number of months after first learning of it, and now I have. 

My wife had to work today at her friend's Thai restaurant, so she lit out of here around 10:30 a.m. for the drive ahead of her. The restaurant opens at 11:00 a.m.

Once my brother and I had watched 3 Godfathers ─ and I began drinking some Appleton Estate Signature Blend amber rum ─ I tuned in 1945's Christmas in Connecticut. I know that both he and I have had this movie cross our viewing paths at one time or another since the earliest 1960s, but if either of us ever actually watched any of it, the movie never mattered nor registered.

We're so much older now, and feel a strong sentimentality for the World War II era.

Granted, the movie was not great, but it was nonetheless a delightful bit of romantic and comedic escapism. Also, this is probably the first time that I have actually found actress Barbara Stanwyck to be attractively appealing. I have always felt quite neutral about her in 'biological' terms.

Following the movie, my brother was ready for some more bed rest ere leaving just ahead of mid-afternoon to probably go to the bar his girlfriend Bev had to work at today. I didn't seek my own bed rest until after he had left, and I had to wonder afterward if I was abed for even a full hour.

Whatever the case, I felt restored from the effects of the bit of earlier drinking, and I have since managed to get in some exercise.

But I am in the mood to do a little drinking again now that the exercise is behind me. It is 6:10 p.m. as I type these words, so I want to get started.

Anytime I have been at my computer today, I have kept an online Christmas music station tuned in ─ I hate that the two local radio stations entirely dropped Christmas music as of midnight last night. I'm not yet ready to let go.

By the way, my brother brought home a 40-ounce bottle of spiced rum last evening as my Christmas present from him ─ along with a Christmas card and a small lottery gift pack of scratch tickets.

Before I call it quits here for today, I want to post the "stylized" image that Google Photos must have created today from a photo that I took at 1:36 a.m. on Christmas Day in our living room after I had been watching Christmas fare all by myself since early the prior evening.

This is Google Photos' image:

And here is the photo that I uploaded into a Google Photos album:

I like them both!

I want to confess before closing that the arrival home last evening of my wife and then my brother probably spared me from a terribly maudlin and self-pityingly lonely Christmas Day evening.

And now I feel that blue mood returning ─ I need a Christmas movie and some booze into me.... 

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Christmas Day 2019

Today feels so bleak, for it was nothing like I had expected up until about a week or so ago when my younger brother let me know that his girlfriend Bev would not be coming here for what was coming to be our annual Christmastime tradition of fellowshipping while spending two days just basically watching Christmas movies and drinking together.

She works in a bar, and had to work yesterday, and will also have to work tomorrow; and consequently there was no sense in her coming here. Both her home and her job are about two miles from here; whereas from her home, she can just walk to work.

My brother's driving suspension a little over three weeks ago also helped make coming here a hardship for her, since he would not be able to drive her anywhere.

And so yesterday afternoon he left to go drinking and hook up with her, and intended to spend Christmas Eve at her home. And now he must be spending Christmas Day there, too.

As for my generally absentee wife, she took off around midday or early into the afternoon yesterday ─ and all dressed up ─ to drive to her friend's Thai restaurant quite a few miles from here for a big Christmas staff party that was to be held there.

She never asked if I wanted to come, too.

Then late in the afternoon she returned home for less than a half hour to freshen up, and then she left anew to drive away to the big Christmas Eve party that her friend was also throwing at her home ─ also many miles from here. And my wife left whilst informing me that she would be back sometime today.

It is far more important for my wife to celebrate Christmas with her friends and their families than it is to spend it here in our own home where her 70-year-old husband languishes in loneliness.

Sure, my two stepsons ─ aged 22 and 25 ─ have more or less been home, but they tend to remain to themselves in the boys' den area when they are home, immersed into their computers.

And so last evening, I sat alone in the darkened living room, beautifully illuminated with Christmas lights, and I watched a succession of Christmas movies while I slowly went through five cans of the strong (8% alcohol) beer that I try to keep in stock. Five cans of that beer have the alcohol equivalent of eight cans of regular beer with a 5% alcohol content.

The last movie finished around 12:15 a.m. this morning, so I took that as my cue to intrude on my stepsons and proffer them three $30 gift packs of lottery scratch tickets. I had originally intended one of the packs for my wife, but I decided that due to her gambling addiction, it was unwise to present her with something like that. Besides, I have four bottles of different brands of merlot wine for her anyway.

I let the lads know that the third pack had been meant for her, but I said that it would be better if the two of them worked through the scratch tickets themselves. If anything paid off to a worthwhile degree, they could divide it among themselves and their mother.

The youngest lad then surprised me with a bottle of vodka ─ his older brother had bought me a two-four of beer yesterday. The younger lad then informed me that he and two of his longtime friends are leaving here on the 12th of January to go to Thailand for approximately a month.

My wife and her two sons are from Thailand. Christmas isn't commonly celebrated over there, so I suppose that has something to do with my wife's lack of Christmas spirit (and love) where I am concerned.

I'm a physical failure as a husband ─ I cannot deny that, for I am something over 23⅓ years her senior.

But the isolation at this time of year is probably what eats me up the most. I do not drive, and so I have no friends or relatives near to whom I can walk and visit. My wife has me too deep into credit debt for me to be able to afford a cab.

And so I spend Christmas Day by myself.

Oh, I did have a brief exchange with my eldest stepson around midday when I was fixing up my first meal of the day ─ he observed, "Eating again?"

I just responded that it was actually my first time eating anything today. (I did earlier have a few ounces of Appleton Estate Signature Blend amber rum with some liquid whipping cream and nutmeg ─ a very poor rum & eggnog substitution.)  

I don't think that I have been home entirely alone thus far today as I type these words at 5:26 p.m., but that was the sole interaction I have had with either of my two stepsons. We're just not 'pals' who hang out.

I have to admit that I did enjoy some good Christmas movies last evening, thanks to our T9 Android 8.1 TV Box and some of the 'apps' that I have downloaded into it.

I led last evening off with 2007's An Accidental Christmas. I believe that I used the Cinema HD 'app' to locate the source link.

It was an 'okay' movie, but I won't choose to rewatch it again with anyone. And since I'm a lonely guy, it's almost always the actresses who tend to garner my attention. Thus, Cynthia Gibb and her character's daughter played by Alison Woods were both something of a treat.

One nice thing about the movie was that nobody turned out to be a heel (i.e., 'bad guy').

I followed that movie with a somewhat better 2007 feature titled Christmas in Paradise. The hurdle I met with watching this particular movie was finding a source for it. I finally had to use the Firefox browser 'app' that I have downloaded into our Android TV Box, and I watched the movie at website AllWatch.net.

The movie quality was fairly poor; and once it was very jerky for a short time, and even stalled. But other than that, yes, it was quite good.

I suppose for some people the omnipresence of three Latino minstrels who were always playing various Christmas tunes while dressed up like the Three Wise Men might have been overmuch, but their constant presence finally made sense at the end of the movie.

Of course, beautiful actress Charlotte Ross was a bonus as one of the main stars, as was young actress Josie Loren who played the very attractive but rebellious teen daughter of a single father played by very familiar actor Colin Ferguson. I did not like Josie's character at all initially, but she turned out to be very caring and even nurturing.

Her character's little sister (played by Aria Wallace) was a dear to watch as she slowly worked her magic on a withdrawn and uncommunicative young lad she met who was around her own age.

The third movie I watched was the best of them all ─ 2007's A Grandpa for Christmas.

Ernest Borgnine was the "grandpa". His young granddaughter was played by absolutely delightful Juliette Goglia ─ what a heart-stealer she was in the movie!

This is one movie that I want to rewatch with my younger brother. It certainly did bring on some tears for me.

It was at the finish of this movie that I broke and sought out my two stepsons to give them the three lottery packs. Then because I was not yet ready to give up on the beautiful Christmas lights I had putting on a show inside and outside the house, nor forsake the Christmas theme on T.V. (nor my beer), I decided to have that fifth can of beer while watching a succession of Christmas music videos through the YouTube 'app' that I have downloaded into our Android TV Box.

And just before I turned off the T.V. for the night, I took these two photos at 1:36 a.m. in the living room:

I probably didn't get to bed until around 2:00 a.m., deliberately leaving on all of the Christmas lights. However, I retired fully clothed in case of a fire emergency, covering up with just a blanket.

This morning, I rose very shortly after 7:00 a.m. feeling none too hale ─ I was very tired and probably somewhat hungover. But I got to work on the post I have been putting together all month at one of my six hosted websites.

And then a little later in the morning, I began watching the first of two more Christmas movies after preparing that poor rum drink. 

The first movie this time was 2007's All I Want for Christmas. It was so nice to watch beautiful Gail O'Grady again ─ I've always enjoyed her in anything I've seen that she has acted in over the years.

I followed that movie with the 2008 feature Moonlight & Mistletoe, plus my first (small) meal of the day and then a can of my strong beer. Actress Candace Cameron Bure never fails when it comes to Christmas movies!

At the movie's conclusion, I got up to some mischief here at my computer, and then forced myself to behave and get to bed for a nap ─ without it, I would be unlikely to manage the bit of exercise I wanted to engage before it was entirely dark later in the afternoon.

I succeeded on both counts.

And now it is 6:44 p.m., and all of the Christmas lights are again on. My brother's girlfriend Bev actually texted me:

Merry christmas hopefully next year will be back to normal

I replied back:

Thanks for that! You were certainly missed where the Christmas movies were concerned.

And I added three sad emoji faces.

I am now in the mood for more drink and more Christmas movies now that my exercising is out of the way and my conscience is therewith fully cleared.

I sure do feel blue, though; nevertheless, I hope my younger brother spends another night with Bev and does not show up here plastered to truly ruin my evening. ...

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Christmas Eve 2019 │ I'll Be Seeing You

I was in the mood last evening to sit up with my younger brother once he arrived home from wherever he had been drinking ─ I wanted to watch a Christmas movie or two while drinking some beer.

But when 10:00 p.m. arrived and he was still not home, I abandoned the idea, properly fearing that he would be stupid drunk.

He did soon thereafter show up, but I had repaired by then upstairs here to my computer, and had lost the desire to begin drinking and watching a movie. I felt tired, too.

And soon enough, I sought my bed. I was fully clothed, and covered myself up with the topmost blanket to try for some sleep ere my wife showed up following her long day working at her friend's Thai restaurant ─ I never know if she is going to come directly home, or not make her appearance until well into the a.m.

As it happened last evening, she got home within a few minutes of me getting to bed. I quickly perceived that with her coming in and out of the bedroom, I would not be finding sleep ─ even though I had donned earplugs and a blindfold.

Meanwhile, my brother had turned on the T.V. and it was absolutely blaring. After getting up, I had actually gone downstairs in consideration of joining my brother, for at that point he was watching the news channel and was seated out of sight at the dining table while he was apparently eating some supper.  

I had a beer in hand, fully intending to put our T9 Android 8.1 TV Box into operation and starting up a Christmas movie. My brother doesn't know how to operate the device, but we can access Netflix through our basic cable package with Telus ─ my youngest stepson has a subscription to Netflix.

Alas, that is just what my brother suddenly did ─ he started up some ridiculously blaring British romp that was all sex, spy action, and outlandishly impossible hijinks. No one seemed able to just speak ─ everyone was constantly shouting at one another.

In futility, I came here to my computer, which I keep in a small room upstairs, and which is immediately adjacent to my bedroom.

Eventually the blaring T.V. even got on my nerves, although my wife never spoke aught to me. In fact, she even went to bed without saying a word.

I peeked downstairs, and it appeared that my brother was passed out in his chair. So I carefully listened, and then I could vaguely hear him snoring.

I went downstairs and turned down the volume of the T.V. And then I decided to turn it right off and play the stereo ─ it's set to a station that is currently playing an all-Christmas music format.

Since my wife had gone to bed, I felt it prudent that I do the same ─ I wanted to get out early in the morning and do a little local shopping. I don't drive, so I would be walking the four or so blocks to my destination.

Morning for me arrived around 5:30 a.m. ─ I rose, and was soon at work adding to the post I am building at one of my six hosted websites.

My eldest stepson anon rose to ready for his short day of work ─ he was to be back home by 11:30 a.m. at latest.

The only reason I wanted to get out and shop was to buy a couple of those Christmas drawstring gift bags that are perfect for liquor and wine bottles. Yesterday I had bought a 1.75-litre bottle of Jameson Irish Whiskey for my brother, and four bottles of different brands of merlot wine for my wife, but I did not just want to hand over the bottles as they were come Christmas Day.

I hoped to find a large gift bag for the wine bottles, and a smaller one for the Irish whiskey.

My destination was to be the Shoppers Drug Mart in the Cedar Hills shopping plaza at 96th Avenue & 128th Street (Google map) here in Surrey.     

I ended up having to buy a package of several kinds of the gift bags, for although the pharmacy had lots of different kinds of bags suitable for a single bottle, there were none large enough for more than a single bottle. The package was priced at $6.99 before taxes.

While paying, I also decided to buy a $10 lottery scratch ticket for my brother.

I was back home before anyone else had risen ─ the store had opened at 8:00 a.m., and I got there fairly soon thereafter.

Around 10:00 a.m. after my brother was up from bed and watching T.V., I joined him and put on one of the Christmas movies I had in mind for last evening ─ it was the 1944 feature I'll Be Seeing You.

I located the working source link for it through the Cinema HD 'app' that I have downloaded into our Android TV Box.

I'm sure that I probably watched the movie on T.V. back in the 1960s, but I couldn't remember any of it if I did see it before. I loved it! And even my younger brother acknowledged that it was pretty good for such an old flick.

What a cute teenager Shirley Temple was! I couldn't get over her.

Ginger Rogers also appealed ─ and who wouldn't have fallen for the vulnerable character she portrayed?

I wanted to play another Christmas movie when this one was done, but by then my eldest stepson had come home and advanced to my brother and I his intention of driving us to a liquor store so he could buy us whatever we might want as our Christmas presents. He even wanted my brother to pick out a bottle of wine for Bev, my brother's girlfriend.

The lad was in no rush to go, so my brother and I settled on watching an episode of Deadwood before beginning to ready for the outing.

My wife never rose until after 11:00 a.m., so it was clear that she didn't have to go to work at her friend's Thai restaurant for its usual 11:00 a.m. start. She fussed around here for quite awhile. And then finally ─ while dressed 'to the nines' ─ she left with her youngest son, who evidently wanted to have use of her car.

He would take her to wherever she was going, and then he would have to pick her up later.

The only conversation I had with her since her arrival home last evening was when she was leaving today ─ she asked if I was going shopping with her oldest son, so I confirmed that I was.

Where was she going all dressed up? I had no idea.

I later learned from her eldest son that the restaurant was closed for today, but it was going to have a staff party. 

I know enough about staff parties that spouses are usually expected to be able to attend ─ especially ones thrown by a restaurant. But my wife never even let on where she was going.

Such is my marriage.

As for the visit to the liquor store that my brother and I had with her eldest, the full bill came to something like $156 ─ I quote the actual price in my private blog. All I had the lad buy me were a two-four of canned beer. Even so, I expect that he will be having his younger brother participate in this purchase, since both of them do have jobs.

Anyway, after we got back home, my brother sought some bed rest ere heading off in the afternoon to drink. I soon enough sought my own nap, and rose to find my brother had gone. I never quizzed my stepson, but I rather suspect that the lad drove my brother to his destination. My brother has been under a driving suspension for more than a score of days at this point.

My wife showed up just after 5:20 p.m. this latter afternoon, but she wasn't home for even a half hour. She freshened up in the bathroom, and fussed about for a bit in the bedroom. Then ─ still all dressed up ─ she headed off, proclaiming that she was going to her restaurant-owning friend's home. No doubt, there is going to be a huge party there.

I was further told not to expect her back until sometime tomorrow.

Such is my marriage.

Well, my evening is underway. I am presently home all alone, although I know that my two stepsons will probably be in and out over the evening. However, they will leave me to myself, so I intend to watch some Christmas movies while enjoying beer, and have myself some good self-pitying cries as the evening wears on. 

It's a bugger being a 70-year-old with nothing but unrealized or failed dreams, and ineluctable, crushing debt that will accompany me to the grave, for God only works miracles for a select few.

And I am evidently not accounted amongst them.

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