I feel myself to surely be amongst the most wretched of us....
Near the finish of yesterday's post I expressed the intention of getting out early in the evening to do some shopping, but I remained home. Instead, I opted to turn on all of the Christmas lights inside and outside the house and tune in a Christmas movie while having some Appleton Estate Signature Blend rum, a golden Jamaican product.
Concerning the rum, it was a birthday present from my younger brother. TheWhiskyExchange.com has this to say about the rum:
Signature Blend is the new name for Appleton's VX following its 2015 relaunch. The flagship rum of the range, this is an exceptional blend of 15 rums of varying types with an average age of four years old.
My bottle is a 1.750-litre jug.
Anyway, I picked quite a good movie ─ 2005's Silver Bells.
I used our T9 Android 8.1 TV Box to locate a source link for the movie, and it was the Cinema HD 'app' that found the working link. I had first tried another 'app', but it started playing the wrong movie ─ a 2016 movie with the same name. I realized the error straight off, and avoided becoming involved in it.
Actress Anne Heche was better than I think I expected.
I'm now glad that I bothered to read up on her at the Wikipedia article that I linked to concerning her, for I had believed for years that she was strictly Lesbian; and it always seemed incongruous to me when she served as a man's reciprocating love interest in a T.V. series or movie.
Now that I realize that she is probably bisexual, I am able to easily embrace her performances in those heterosexual roles ─ and of course, I find myself drawn to her all the more.
The only other actor I was familiar with in the movie was supporting actress Margo Martindale, whom for some reason the opening credits used the term "introducing" when displaying her name. Introducing to whom? She'd been in loads of T.V. series and movies before that 2005 movie!
I never did get too worked up emotionally in this movie, even though I did enjoy it. As a result or consequence of that limited emotional reaction with it, I may not add it to the list of potential rewatchable films that I am compiling as candidates for the two-day Christmastime movie binge that has been taking place here annually when and if my younger brother brings over his girlfriend Bev to celebrate Christmas with us.
Perhaps I will just list it as being worthy of consideration.
The rum adversely affected me in that at the movie's conclusion, I was reluctant to call it a night and get to bed sensibly early. My brother was spending the night at the home of his girlfriend, so I knew that he was unlikely to be showing up to disrupt my television enjoyment; and my two stepsons ─ although home ─ left me entirely to myself in the living room.
And so for some while I watched Christmas music videos via the YouTube 'app' I have downloaded into our Android TV Box, rather than become involved in another movie. I had no interest in watching an episode of any the T.V. series I follow ─ the want for things Christmas-related was too strong.
Also, I didn't want to have to turn off the outside Christmas lights for as long as I could. I don't mind leaving on the mini-lights that are on display in the living room overnight, but some of the larger outdoor Christmas lights have been up for maybe 15 years or more ─ who knows what deteriorated wiring may be in play by now?
It would be folly to retire and risk leaving them burning out there, unmonitored.
It would be folly to retire and risk leaving them burning out there, unmonitored.
Anyway, I finally got around to trying to get some decent photos of the Christmas lights, but none impress me.
The first three photos were taken at 9:53 p.m. in the living room; but the first two photos were ruined because my iPhone 5 insisted on using its flash, and the third one failed because the T.V. screen grabbed the camera's focus and that resulted in a too-dark background where the lights were supposed to have dominance:
Then a little while later ─ it was 10:21 p.m. ─ I went out to the streetside sidewalk to photograph the front of the house:
Maybe the first shot outside was not too bad, but the second one resulted in a lot of blurring ─ perhaps my hands were not as steady as they should have been?
Note that the carport lights blink, so not all of them are always lit ─ none were burned out.
After that, I turned off the T.V. and was considering retiring upstairs, when it occurred to me to use my Canon PowerShot SD880 IS.
And so at 10:30 p.m. I took these two photos in the darkened living room:
Then going outside to the sidewalk again, I took these two photos of the front of the house at 10:34 p.m.:
I would have to say that the Canon PowerShot had it over the iPhone 5, but none of the photos are quite as near to the effect that I was after.
That light upstairs is in the room where I keep my computer. That was where I was destined to stupidly spend the next 1½ hours in vile preoccupation instead of getting to bed. In fact, it was a mere two or three minutes into the midnight hour when I finally fed my addiction the endorphin feast it was seeking, and I was free to get myself to bed ─ albeit in considerable despair, for now I knew that I had probably sabotaged hope of having a productive Sunday.
After getting asleep, I thereafter found myself too awake to sleep any further shortly after 5:00 a.m., so perhaps 5:30 a.m. I got up. To my considerable surprise, my youngest stepson was still up and at his computer, speaking with someone via headphones ─ they were most likely involved in an interacive computer game.
I spent quite some time working on the post that I am constructing at one of my six hosted websites, and nursed a mug of hot black instant coffee in the meantime. Had I behaved last evening, I would have gone shopping very early this morning ─ that was no longer on the table.
I was too deeply disheartened, and worn from the combination of inadequate sleep and the effects of the several ounces of straight amber rum I had ingested while watching T.V. last evening.
I probably returned to bed ahead of 9:00 a.m. And when I napped and rose again shortly before 10:30 a.m., I found my brother home and watching NFL football playoffs.
My youngest stepson was still up!
I want to mention one of the Christmas music videos that I watched last evening. I'm a big fan of Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas Is You", but I have never before heard nor seen the video version of her singing the song with Justin Beiber ─ and it's evidently been out since the Fall of 2011.
How did I manage to miss it all these year since?
Lord, Mariah sure does have a magnificent pair of legs in that video! I won't embed the video because if it ever gets pulled, all my post here will have is a useless dead video block. However, for as long as the video does remain at YouTube, you can see the full-screen version here.
It was not lost on me that dear Mariah ─ hot as she indeed looked ─ was (and is) approximately 24 or 25 years older than Justin. So ─ eight years ago when the video was released ─ she would have been around 41 years old at youngest, and he would have been no more than 17.
By the way, I am 100% immune to Justin Bieber. He does do an original Christmas song that came out a few years ago which I don't mind at all, but my appreciation pretty much ends there.
The biggest excuse I have for straying as I did last evening is that of loneliness, and a total absence of physical intimacy. When I watch Christmas movies that portray so much profound love ─ especially of the romantic variety ─ as beautiful as that portrayal of love is, my own life's stark barrenness in that regard becomes crushing.
It is likewise when I witness the charms of someone like Mariah Carey that were presented in the music video. It fills me with longing for some physical connection with someone.
Yes, I am married; however, my much younger wife and I have not been intimate in over 6½ years.
I would probably stray if I had the opportunity, but I do not ─ I am far too deep in debt. I allowed my wife to plunge us there, so I cannot deny that it is as much my fault as hers. I should have been more stern with her years back when there was still the opportunity to have stopped her selfish extravagance.
And now I am declining. I am becoming too old to change anything, or to have much real hope of ever knowing fulfillment and happiness.
When the crushing longing becomes too unendurable, the conduct of late last evening finds expression.
But I do not wish to start dwelling on this, so I must curtail this explorative trend toward introspection.
I want to mention that I have had a second nap today. Toward mid-afternoon I returned to bed again for something over an hour. Meantime, my younger brother ─ who had been resting in his own bedroom ─ rose and left for the afternoon. He will be inebriated when he next returns home later today.
I want to have some exercise out in the backyard tool shed before darkness closes in (the shed has no light source) ─ this was mainly why I had that nap. Without the nap, the strenuous exercising wouldn't have been possible. I am feeling sufficiently restored now following the consumption of a hot and very richly sweetened and creamed caffeinated beverage.
After darkness arrives, I intend to go forth on a walk. The afternoon has often been rather sunny, and I am in no mindset to be forth in the brilliance of such a day. I need heavy gloom ─ or the darkness.
I may even do some grocery shopping.
Christmas is coming too fast. I am now afraid to even do any Christmas shopping ─ I have done none this month yet ─ because my chequing account is already a few hundred dollars too low to cover the monthly mortgage due just ahead of Christmas. My stepsons will have to make up the shortfall; so for me to be spending money on any kind of gifts seems illogical because I would virtually be asking them to be paying for those gifts themselves.
It's truly pitifully miserable being an old age pensioner whose life has come to naught.
I should no longer be....
I should no longer be....
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