Today feels so bleak, for it was nothing like I had expected up until about a week or so ago when my younger brother let me know that his girlfriend Bev would not be coming here for what was coming to be our annual Christmastime tradition of fellowshipping while spending two days just basically watching Christmas movies and drinking together.
She works in a bar, and had to work yesterday, and will also have to work tomorrow; and consequently there was no sense in her coming here. Both her home and her job are about two miles from here; whereas from her home, she can just walk to work.
My brother's driving suspension a little over three weeks ago also helped make coming here a hardship for her, since he would not be able to drive her anywhere.
And so yesterday afternoon he left to go drinking and hook up with her, and intended to spend Christmas Eve at her home. And now he must be spending Christmas Day there, too.
As for my generally absentee wife, she took off around midday or early into the afternoon yesterday ─ and all dressed up ─ to drive to her friend's Thai restaurant quite a few miles from here for a big Christmas staff party that was to be held there.
She never asked if I wanted to come, too.
Then late in the afternoon she returned home for less than a half hour to freshen up, and then she left anew to drive away to the big Christmas Eve party that her friend was also throwing at her home ─ also many miles from here. And my wife left whilst informing me that she would be back sometime today.
It is far more important for my wife to celebrate Christmas with her friends and their families than it is to spend it here in our own home where her 70-year-old husband languishes in loneliness.
Sure, my two stepsons ─ aged 22 and 25 ─ have more or less been home, but they tend to remain to themselves in the boys' den area when they are home, immersed into their computers.
And so last evening, I sat alone in the darkened living room, beautifully illuminated with Christmas lights, and I watched a succession of Christmas movies while I slowly went through five cans of the strong (8% alcohol) beer that I try to keep in stock. Five cans of that beer have the alcohol equivalent of eight cans of regular beer with a 5% alcohol content.
The last movie finished around 12:15 a.m. this morning, so I took that as my cue to intrude on my stepsons and proffer them three $30 gift packs of lottery scratch tickets. I had originally intended one of the packs for my wife, but I decided that due to her gambling addiction, it was unwise to present her with something like that. Besides, I have four bottles of different brands of merlot wine for her anyway.
I let the lads know that the third pack had been meant for her, but I said that it would be better if the two of them worked through the scratch tickets themselves. If anything paid off to a worthwhile degree, they could divide it among themselves and their mother.
The youngest lad then surprised me with a bottle of vodka ─ his older brother had bought me a two-four of beer yesterday. The younger lad then informed me that he and two of his longtime friends are leaving here on the 12th of January to go to Thailand for approximately a month.
My wife and her two sons are from Thailand. Christmas isn't commonly celebrated over there, so I suppose that has something to do with my wife's lack of Christmas spirit (and love) where I am concerned.
I'm a physical failure as a husband ─ I cannot deny that, for I am something over 23⅓ years her senior.
But the isolation at this time of year is probably what eats me up the most. I do not drive, and so I have no friends or relatives near to whom I can walk and visit. My wife has me too deep into credit debt for me to be able to afford a cab.
And so I spend Christmas Day by myself.
Oh, I did have a brief exchange with my eldest stepson around midday when I was fixing up my first meal of the day ─ he observed, "Eating again?"
I just responded that it was actually my first time eating anything today. (I did earlier have a few ounces of Appleton Estate Signature Blend amber rum with some liquid whipping cream and nutmeg ─ a very poor rum & eggnog substitution.)
I don't think that I have been home entirely alone thus far today as I type these words at 5:26 p.m., but that was the sole interaction I have had with either of my two stepsons. We're just not 'pals' who hang out.
I have to admit that I did enjoy some good Christmas movies last evening, thanks to our T9 Android 8.1 TV Box and some of the 'apps' that I have downloaded into it.
I led last evening off with 2007's An Accidental Christmas. I believe that I used the Cinema HD 'app' to locate the source link.
It was an 'okay' movie, but I won't choose to rewatch it again with anyone. And since I'm a lonely guy, it's almost always the actresses who tend to garner my attention. Thus, Cynthia Gibb and her character's daughter played by Alison Woods were both something of a treat.
One nice thing about the movie was that nobody turned out to be a heel (i.e., 'bad guy').
I followed that movie with a somewhat better 2007 feature titled Christmas in Paradise. The hurdle I met with watching this particular movie was finding a source for it. I finally had to use the Firefox browser 'app' that I have downloaded into our Android TV Box, and I watched the movie at website AllWatch.net.
The movie quality was fairly poor; and once it was very jerky for a short time, and even stalled. But other than that, yes, it was quite good.
I suppose for some people the omnipresence of three Latino minstrels who were always playing various Christmas tunes while dressed up like the Three Wise Men might have been overmuch, but their constant presence finally made sense at the end of the movie.
Of course, beautiful actress Charlotte Ross was a bonus as one of the main stars, as was young actress Josie Loren who played the very attractive but rebellious teen daughter of a single father played by very familiar actor Colin Ferguson. I did not like Josie's character at all initially, but she turned out to be very caring and even nurturing.
Her character's little sister (played by Aria Wallace) was a dear to watch as she slowly worked her magic on a withdrawn and uncommunicative young lad she met who was around her own age.
The third movie I watched was the best of them all ─ 2007's A Grandpa for Christmas.
Ernest Borgnine was the "grandpa". His young granddaughter was played by absolutely delightful Juliette Goglia ─ what a heart-stealer she was in the movie!
This is one movie that I want to rewatch with my younger brother. It certainly did bring on some tears for me.
It was at the finish of this movie that I broke and sought out my two stepsons to give them the three lottery packs. Then because I was not yet ready to give up on the beautiful Christmas lights I had putting on a show inside and outside the house, nor forsake the Christmas theme on T.V. (nor my beer), I decided to have that fifth can of beer while watching a succession of Christmas music videos through the YouTube 'app' that I have downloaded into our Android TV Box.
And just before I turned off the T.V. for the night, I took these two photos at 1:36 a.m. in the living room:
I probably didn't get to bed until around 2:00 a.m., deliberately leaving on all of the Christmas lights. However, I retired fully clothed in case of a fire emergency, covering up with just a blanket.
This morning, I rose very shortly after 7:00 a.m. feeling none too hale ─ I was very tired and probably somewhat hungover. But I got to work on the post I have been putting together all month at one of my six hosted websites.
And then a little later in the morning, I began watching the first of two more Christmas movies after preparing that poor rum drink.
The first movie this time was 2007's All I Want for Christmas. It was so nice to watch beautiful Gail O'Grady again ─ I've always enjoyed her in anything I've seen that she has acted in over the years.
I followed that movie with the 2008 feature Moonlight & Mistletoe, plus my first (small) meal of the day and then a can of my strong beer. Actress Candace Cameron Bure never fails when it comes to Christmas movies!
At the movie's conclusion, I got up to some mischief here at my computer, and then forced myself to behave and get to bed for a nap ─ without it, I would be unlikely to manage the bit of exercise I wanted to engage before it was entirely dark later in the afternoon.
I succeeded on both counts.
And now it is 6:44 p.m., and all of the Christmas lights are again on. My brother's girlfriend Bev actually texted me:
Merry christmas hopefully next year will be back to normal
I replied back:
Thanks for that! You were certainly missed where the Christmas movies were concerned.
And I added three sad emoji faces.
I am now in the mood for more drink and more Christmas movies now that my exercising is out of the way and my conscience is therewith fully cleared.
I sure do feel blue, though; nevertheless, I hope my younger brother spends another night with Bev and does not show up here plastered to truly ruin my evening. ...
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