"For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do."
I've been watching so many Christmas movies that I am close to forgetting what they are, or if I have already mentioned them.
My wife had unexpectedly arrived home late last afternoon or very early in the evening, and got busy with some cooking. She usually spends her weekends somewhere in Vancouver ─ such is my marriage, and my failure as a husband.
She did some cooking for her two sons and I, and then after a time I was certain that it was she who headed out the front door with no more than a softly spoken "Bye" as I watched a Christmas movie and indulged in some Appleton Estate Signature Blend amber rum.
She would not likely return until probably late Monday evening or early in the dark a.m. hours of Tuesday following her long Monday workday at her friend's Thai restaurant.
I was sufficiently benumbed by the rum ─ and preoccupied with the movie ─ that I did not feel the degree of loss and self-pity that this might normally have generated.
The movie wasn't the sort of Christmas fare that I like best, but it was a cute watch ─ 2009's 12 Men of Christmas.
Tiny actress Kristin Chenoweth is usually a lot of naughty fun, particularly when she is somehow the leading lady and ultimately some guy's femme fatale. So I did got a kick out of watching the movie's storyline develop.
When I saw the opening credits, I correctly realized that former child actress Anna Chlumsky was also being featured. She made an unforgettable impression on me in the 1991 movie My Girl when she was only 10 or 11 years old.
I was also pleased to recognize the name of supporting actress Chantal Perron, for I had just seen her a day or two before in a supporting role in the Christmas movie A Very Merry Daughter of the Bride where I wished that she had been given a whole lot more attention ─ I thought that she looked rather 'hot'.
At the movie's conclusion, I wanted to have a beer instead of more rum, so I went upstairs to get one ─ I keep my supply under my bed.
Well, the bedroom door was shut tight. Was it possible that my wife was still home and trying to catch up on some sleep? Not wanting to disturb her, I decided to watch another Christmas movie and have some more rum.
Eventually it occurred to me to see if her car was here ─ it was. Her eldest son's car was the one that had left earlier.
Anyway, my next movie choice was 2009's The Christmas Hope ─ just the sort of outstanding Christmas movie that I like best. One of the main actresses was beautiful Madeleine Stowe ─ a name familiar to me, but I do not exactly know why. Her T.V. husband was the very recognizable and ultra-sensitive-looking James Remar. However, it was child actress Tori Barban who captured my heart.
I shed a lot of tears during this feature.
It turned out that my wife was indeed catching some sleep. At one point during the movie, her youngest son went upstairs and rapped on the door and called to his mother until she responded. Apparently it had been arranged that he would rouse her at some appointed time.
Not much time was wasted, and then the two of them left together. She was obviously taking him somewhere, and not to return. However, by now I was in the grip of the rum and hardly cared.
At the conclusion of this movie, I retrieved a couple cans of the strong (8% alcohol) beer under my bed, and then sought one more movie ─ another 2009 feature titled Mrs. Miracle.
Note that I was finding sources for the movies through the 'apps' that I have downloaded into my T9 Android 8.1 TV Box.
I don't like bratty boys, so the twin youngsters at the start of the movie turned me right off. As far as I was concerned, they deserved a damned good ass-kicking for their wretched misconduct.
What kept me watching was actress Erin Karpluk, whom I have always been attracted to ever since her T.V. series Being Erica. Her natural and wholesome good looks and great physical shape make her practically irresistible in my eyes.
Incidentally, I had enjoyed her in her supporting role in another Christmas movie earlier this month ─ 2004's Eve's Christmas.
Mrs. Miracle turned out to be quite good overall ─ mostly thanks to Erin's presence, I have to say. Of the three movies I watched, I rate it in second place.
I actually was not going to watch that movie, for it was past mid-evening when the second one finished. I tried to settle for Christmas music videos via the YouTube 'app' in our Android TV Box, but after a few I abandoned the idea and went for the third movie.
I wanted to go shopping very early this morning, but the two cans of strong beer on top of maybe five or so ounces of rum did a nasty number on me. I can't even say just what time it was when I went to bed ─ possibly after midnight.
I rose at 5:15 a.m., but it seemed doubtful that I would be able to recover in time to go shopping ─ my destination would have been at least 2½ miles from here, and I wanted to get there as near after its 7:00 a.m. opening as I could in order to avoid as much of the daytime as I could.
I had left the indoor and outdoor Christmas lights on all night ─ on purpose. So I fixed up a mug of hot, strong, instant black coffee and began work on the post I intend to have completed and published by month's end.
I was to become very agitated as the early morn wore on, and I found myself too enfeebled by the drink and inadequate sleep to be able to go anywhere. But I was also despondent, suffering from some alcohol withdrawal. God seemed so unforgivably cruel, and my life a barren morass of hopelessness.
I even began dwelling upon poor Katelyn Nicole Davis, a lovely, large-eyed 12-year-old girl in the state of Georgia who broadcast online (via her propped-up cellphone) her own suicide by hanging on December 30, 2016 as the seasonally early darkness grew deeper and deeper in the treed yard where everything ended for her.
It seems to me that I downloaded a copy of her 20-minute video ─ perhaps it is on an older and weaker computer I have that I have not turned on in many months. The video is not something I can easily watch, so I have not looked for it.
It pains me that she made enough online references ─ even at her YouTube account ─ of what she was considering, but apparently not one human being bothered to reach out to her.
I sure do know what that's like.
If you know nothing of the lass, you can easily enough find numerous reports about her ─ I don't want to link to any.
Anyway, it was not until maybe 9:15 a.m. that I returned to bed following the embracement of endorphin-flooding corruption, and I remained there until just after 11:00 a.m. By then, my younger brother had made it home from his girlfriend Bev's home where he had stayed overnight, and he was within his closed bedroom seeking extra bed rest.
My nap bestowed considerable rejuvenation ─ it was quite remarkable, in fact.
After a rich caffeinated beverage, I was able to tackle some strenuous exercise out in the backyard toolshed while my brother watched some of one or more NFL games, for he emerged from his bedroom while I was still drinking the hot brew.
Then after I got myself some of the pasta dish my wife prepared yesterday, I was eating it upstairs here at my computer when my brother let me know that he was heading away for the afternoon ─ he will be resuming his daily drinking.
Right now it is 3:43 p.m., and I would like to seek some further bed rest. I just may manage to get out and accomplish something after darkness. I don't drive, so I will be walking. However, I don't yet have a solid plan of action.
Heck, I might even decide to tune in another Christmas movie and have some rum to try and dispel the mounting anxiety and loneliness that I am presently feeling ─ it is a debilitating sensation, to be sure.
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