My first total dissolution since December 28, and thus my first in 2025. I am so damnably weak.
As a result, I never got to bed last night until just ahead of 4:30 a.m. Yet I rose just ahead of 8 a.m.
But I want to speak of last evening's television viewing with my younger brother once he had had gotten home from his daily social drinking. By then I had the first of the four shows that we were to watch via our Android TV Box all set to play. But these are the four in this sequence:
- Bodyguard ─ "Episode 3" of its only season. Somehow, my brother passed out for the majority of the exciting show.
- Chicago Fire ─ episode eight ("A Beautiful Life") of season 11.
- Chicago P.D. ─ episode nine ("Proof of Burden") of season 10.
- Bosch ─ episode two ("The Thing About Secrets") of season two.
I consumed three cans of Cariboo Malt (7.9% alcohol) over the course of the viewing, but I do not blame that for my descent into depravity that delayed my sensible bedtime.
Note that I believe it to have been late in Bodyguard when my wife got home following her third consecutive full workday at the Thai restaurant where she works part-time.
Before I shut myself up into my bedroom later, she announced knowing from her youngest son (26 years old since sometime in December, if I am remembering correctly) that my brother had told him that Bev ─ my brother's girlfriend ─ would probably be moving in here at the end of the month.
My brother had said as much to me several days back.
Well, my wife wants me to insist that my brother start paying more towards the mortgage if Bev does move in. Personally, I would rather we just sell the house and be done with all of this debt that keeps me under virtual house arrest and unable to afford to buy anything, do anything, or go anywhere.
My brother and Bev do not well get along when they drink ─ to be together like this is almost unimaginable to me.
But it heralds truly bad news for me because she would be here all the time, except when she felt well enough to go somewhere with my brother. For example, he's not about to stop going out to drink just because she doesn't feel able to; and that means she would be left here.
I am not intending to change my schedule of watching late evening T.V. just three days a week, but I might have to quit doing even that much if Bev is here with my brother and I ─ she talks more than my inebriated brother. It would prove almost impossible to enjoy T.V. anymore.
Christmas movies during the couple of days that she might be here during that holiday period are one thing; but every single evening from this time forth?
I am not going to be left babysitting her whenever my brother chooses to head off in the mid-afternoon to go and engage his daily social drinking if she is not up to going with him.
Honestly, I do not see how having her here can possibly work for any of us.
And I am so presently disgusted and heartsick with myself over last night's weak and depraved folly that I feel as if I could just leave everyone and go far away to probably die. But I cannot ─ the house mortgage is in my name, as are annual property taxes, annual utilities, and annual home insurance.
Meantime, my wife keeps me broke by imposing upon me to surrender what little cash to her that I may have remaining. I am financially helpless, and God will do nothing to bail me out and deliver me from my financial dependence upon everyone, including my debt-holders.
It is no wonder that my conduct is defeatist and so often defiled. I am spiritually crushed so much of the time.
But back to my day's narrative following rising this morning, for soon my brother was risen; and then shortly after 9 a.m. I joined him for some more T.V., smartly enough getting his invitation to put our Android TV Box back to work.
I led us off with a video that was listed at over 1⅓ hours (1:22:40), but was really only around 1¼ hours if one advanced over the first six minutes which were nothing more than audio commercials. Towards that end, I have the video link to begin playing just after that waste of time. It had been published two days ago at Rumble's ShaunNewmanPodcast channel: #781 - Dr. William Makis.
Dr. William Makis, MD, is a Canadian physician with expertise in nuclear medicine, radiology, and oncology. He formerly worked as a nuclear medicine radiologist at the Cross Cancer Institute in Edmonton, Alberta, contributing to one of North America's largest clinics for Targeted Radionuclide Therapy for cancer. Dr. Makis has conducted over 10,000 cancer diagnoses using sophisticated tools like PET/CT. Additionally, he has published more than 100 peer-reviewed articles in international medical journals, with a focus on nuclear medicine, PET/CT imaging, and targeted radionuclide therapy. We discuss the harassment he has faced in the past 9 years, the growth of his audience internationally and facing possible jail time.
My wife evidently had a fourth consecutive full workday scheduled for today, so she was up just past 9:30 a.m. to begin readying, and soon after 10 a.m. was away on her fairly long drive.
My brother and I only watched one further video ─ one I had previously downloaded from somewhere now forgotten. It was Chilling Adventures of Sabrina ─ "Part 3" of season two's finale episode eight ("Chapter Twenty-Eight: Sabrina Is Legend").
This "part" sectionalizing of the seasons is excessively complicated for the streaming apps I use, for they are rife with misfiles. I have had to rely on Internet searches for the proper episodes. Websites properly refer to each "part" as a specific season, which is truly all each "part" is.
Look, I have fallen far behind in posting. I took a break to watch a Christmas movie because I was 'down in the dumps'. My choice was 2018's Christmas Perfection (apparently also called The Perfect Christmas Village).
It was badly reviewed, but I rather quite enjoyed it. Even the IMDb write-up was faulty, for this was listed as a flaw:
Goofs
In this "perfect Irish village," nobody talks with an Irish accent and the inside of the houses, instead of being old Irish brick or rustic wooden, are just typical USA home interior.
Well, that just is not true! The only two people who did not talk with an Irish accent were the two main love interests, for they were both Americans transported into the woman's idealization of what a perfect Irish Christmas village would be like.
For Pete's sake, the movie was even filmed over in Ireland ─ how the Hell can it be fake? I heard lots of Irish accents, and undoubtedly the scenes were pretty much legitimate.
What is wrong with people?
The only accent I did not much like was the affected monotone Irish accent of the leading man's competition for the fair lady's love ─ "Tom" (as played by actor Robbie Silverman) had the most lifeless Irish accent I can ever recall hearing.
The leading lady was played by actress Caitlin Thompson, who apparently was something of a regular in the T.V. series This Is Us. I was reminded a wee bit by her of Buffy the Vampire Slayer's Sarah Michelle Gellar.
I have to get to bed ─ it is already after midnight, and I plan to rise at 3:30 a.m. Thus I will be pre-dating the publication date of this post.
Everyone is home, but I have been shut up in my bedroom, hiding.
And yes, I did drink. A can each of Cariboo Malt and Bumper Crop Crisp Apple cider (7% alcohol), and maybe 2½ shots of St-Rรฉmy Extra Old XO French Brandy, killing the bottle.
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