Ends

I feel confident that I made it to bed last night by 11 p.m. with my cellphone alarm set for 6 a.m. this morning, but my sleep was impaired even before I made it halfway through my night. I recall rising to use the toilet in the hope that removing even the slight urgency I had been feeling would result in the needed ease to bring on more sleep ─ and a time check revealed it to not yet quite be 2:30 a.m. ─ but nothing changed in my favour.

What is doing this? What makes sleep so elusive after just a few hours. The second half of my night at times was almost brutal. And when my 6 a.m. alarm chimed and I sat up intending to dress, I very nearly chose to lie back down because I craved so seriously more sleep.

But I rose and dressed, and then hobbled downstairs to boil water for my day's first mug of strong, hot instant coffee. My youngest stepson was still up and at his computer, occasionally speaking to someone.

He is wasting his life doing this. At least he transferred $350 to me online yesterday as what has come to be his only monthly contribution towards the fortnightly mortgage debit of $991.55.

This morning I was determined to get out and do some grocery shopping at No Frills a half mile away after its 8 a.m. opening. If I did not do it this morning, then I would have to do it tomorrow morning and that would deprive me of my intended trip to the private liquor store approximately the same distance that also opens at 8 a.m.

I have not had any beer supply since the final can that I drank on (I believe) Tuesday evening, and have since been relying upon hard liquor that I sip while watching my evening entertainment here on my bedside computer.

I prefer having beer. If I do not go there this weekend, I will not be able to do so until next weekend because I am so damned adverse to being public during the busy workweek, especially now that I am crippled.

Fortunately it was overcast this morning, although I would have preferred rain. But it was sufficient to get me away no later than 8:05 a.m.

I ended up with a bit of a heavy double-load to tote back home, but I am now freed up for the liquor store tomorrow morning. If I buy what I want to buy, my load will be just over 20 pounds, so once again my bad knee will be challenged. A few times it had me off balance, if not actually buckling, as I brought home my grocery haul this morning.

My younger brother was up and watching T.V. when I arrived home. I put away my purchases, and then changed clothes in my bedroom. Then after studying just what I would be fetching for us to watch via our Android TV Box, around mid-morning I joined him and was soon invited to start operation of that device.

The first video we watched was 17 minutes (17:19) and had been published just this morning at BitChute's Progressive Truth Seekers channel: Life Before The Invention Of Israel - This Movie Takes You Back To 'Palestine 36'.

Dena Takruri speaks to "Palestine 36" director Annemarie Jacir about the challenges of making a film about Palestinian history today. 

Refer to the original description ─ there is more to it; the interview was actually mirrored from a November 27 upload to YouTube.

Our second video was 20 minutes (20:27) and had been published yesterday to BitChute's TheWarAgainstYou channel: The Opium Fortunes: How America’s Elite Families Got Rich Selling Drugs to China.

Roosevelt, Astor, Forbes, Yale, Harvard: They All Got Rich Selling Opium to China Roosevelt. Astor. Forbes. Yale. Harvard. You know these names. What you don't know? They all got rich the exact same way. Flooding China with opium. Thousands of tons. Millions addicted. Four hundred percent profit. And then they spent 200 years making sure you'd never find out. Until now. This video documents the historical evidence proving that America's most powerful families made their fortunes through industrial-scale opium smuggling to China in the 1800s. The shipping records exist. The letters survive. The account books are in archives. This isn't conspiracy theory. This is documented history that has been systematically omitted from mainstream education. 📚 DOCUMENTED RESEARCH SOURCES: *Primary Historical Sources:*

Again, there is much more to the actual description, so go there to check it out; and apparently the video was mirrored from a source published October 29.

Switching gears, I next tuned in an inferior episode of Riverdale ─ specifically episode 15 ("Chapter Ninety-One: The Return of the Pussycats") of season five.

I sure hope that the episode was the obligatory seasonal musical episode, and now it's over with ─ I hate having these pop up unexpectedly and ruin the already shaky realism of the series.

I followed the series with the remaining 10 or 15 or so minutes of a documentary we had quit prematurely yesterday. At 47 minutes (47:23), it had been published January 15, 2021, to BitChute's bluedemon218 channel: The Young Turks & Armenian Genocide.

Young Turks was a political reform movement in the early 20th century that favored the replacement of the Ottoman Empire's absolute monarchy with a constitutional government. They led a rebellion against the absolute rule of Sultan Abdulhamid II in the 1908 Young Turk Revolution. With this revolution, the Young Turks helped to establish the Second Constitutional Era in 1908, ushering in an era of multi-party democracy for the first time in the country's history.

We never quite watched a half hour of the final feature ─ an interesting movie. My brother wanted to return to his bedroom for further bed rest, since he would be leaving towards mid-afternoon afoot to catch a bus and go social drinking. Thus, we'll carry on with the movie tomorrow if there isn't some all-vital NFL game scheduled for the morning that he will consider a must-watch.

My wife had a full workday today. She emerged from her bedroom shortly after 9:30 a.m. to shower and otherwise ready for her day, and left about a half hour later on her fairly long drive. However, I never laid eyes on her. She came downstairs wordlessly as far as I could tell, not issuing her usual token "good morning" greeting; and after she fussed about in the kitchen area for a brief time, she was out the front door before I realized she was leaving.

She can excel at incivility when it comes to me. I strive to do my best to remain as unaffected by her rudeness as I can.

I never ate beyond the two mugs of strong and hot instant coffee that I drank today, so I was to bed by 12:20 p.m. for my early afternoon nap.

Thereafter I worked at blogging, but I was remarkably hungry and never had the reserves for the usual light exercising in my wife's bedroom when she is not present. I did at least go in there for a dozen push-ups after it had nearly gotten dark outside, and in assuming the position my feet knocked something over.

When I afterwards checked, I saw that it was a large plastic tumbler of water that I had spilled and drenched a spread of maybe a foot of carpet long by maybe four inches wide. I have tried to sop it up as best I can in the hope that by the time my wife gets home tonight, she will not notice the damp stretch.

Or maybe she won't get home until after I have gone to bed, for I want to do that by 11 p.m. with the liquor store hike in mind for tomorrow that will be necessitating another early rise at 6 a.m. to normalize in time for the venture.

I weighed myself around 4:40 p.m. after stripping naked in the bathroom, hoping to see some reward for having avoided a meal thus far today, but the nearly 179-pound reading that was threatened was not much encouragement.

Right now it is 5:05 p.m., so I am going to break from this post to round up some supper. After eating it, I will begin watching two or three shows here on my bedside computer whilst again indulging in some D'Eaubonne V.S.O.P. Brandy (40% alcohol).

I will finish up the post before publishing it later in the evening.

🟨🟨🟨🟨🟨

I chose to lead my evening's viewing with 2018's Christmas at Graceland. My source was this OK.ru link. The lead actress was a singer named Kellie Pickler, but she definitely has a place in acting. I enjoyed her Dolly Parton-accented voice ─ pretty darned Southern!

Nevertheless, I have seen enough Christmas movies this year centred around singing ─ I have no further diet for any. I prefer more mundane or down-to-earth scenarios involving Christmas and regular people.

I will say that young actress Claire Elizabeth Green was spectacularly adorable as the daughter of Kellie Pickler's character. 

At least the movie was effective at spotlighting that my life is just about done. I am a failure in every respect, and I know that it is why God has never helped me, nor lifted me from the massive crevice in which I have come to exist. I can never have the meaning to my wife or anyone else that I so keenly crave. I can never have the means to find people whom I could be a hero to, and who would come to value and love me as deeply as I would them.

All I have become is a dependant ─ not the loving, care-giving saviour I have always wanted to be. I am fit only for extermination ─ eternal extermination, for it is all I request of God if I am to die in the futility that marks who and what I am. When I die, there is no need to resurrect me for Judgment ─ I plead guilty now, and just ask that whatever essence I am is destroyed while I sleep so that I never know anything past my mortal days.

It feels that is where I am being guided, and apparently this must always have been so.

The movie ended around 8:18 p.m., and I realized that my brother was back from his social drinking and was now carrying it on in the company of Bev.

I only drank one good shot of bourbon ─ my earlier supper seems unpleasantly heavy in my system, even though it was not a large meal.

I opted to watch one further show ─ I wasn't much into any more T.V. than that. So I tuned in iZombie ─ the season five and series finale episode 13 ("All's Well That Ends Well"). My source was this Tvids.net link ─ if you use it, be prepared for at least one new advertisement window that will likely appear behind the scenes.

Maybe because I was feeling so tired and disinterested, but the episode seemed lacking. Sure, I was relieved that three of the main 'good' characters were not killed as had seemed the case; but I felt far more removed or detached than I think I ever expected I would be.

I had a second shot of bourbon during the episode, but at the end of it all, I felt like nothing further.

Maybe I will just brush my teeth now and wrap up whatever I have left to do here on my computer and go to bed, hoping that I do not experience another discouraging sleep in my night's second half.

Right now, it is 9:59 p.m.