During the first episode of a series that I tuned in, he asked me to obtain some financial information for him when I had the opportunity.
Unfortunately, the information relates to affairs that he is ignorant of, and which I have been keeping from him since sometime during the year 2010.
I am not going to reveal the context here ─ suffice it to say that on several levels, I do not want him privy to that which he seeks, yet which he has the undeniable right to know.
He was fairly drunk at the time ─ the topic he touched upon is not one that I would ever seek to broach when he in this condition. He would need to be wholly sober.
Just before the series episode finished, his cellphone rang, and he took the call ─ it was from his drinking buddy Greg.
I tuned in an episode of the next series that was planned for us to watch that evening, but by this time I was churning with upset and dread over his earlier query.
Then as the episode wore on and my brother kept yakking on his cellphone as if he was actually drinking with Greg ─ which basically he was, for he kept cracking open cans of beer and becoming unnecessarily loud ─ I took note that it was approaching 9:20 p.m., and my brother had thus far not been following at least 15 minutes of the episode.
It occurred to me that if I was there by myself, I would no longer be watching T.V. ─ I would have gotten to bed. So why was I essentially sitting up watching T.V. by myself while my brother was seated out of my sight at the dining table and paying little attention to the T.V.?
It mad no sense whatsoever ─ especially so since I was so overwrought concerning the financial matter that I was unable to enjoy T.V.
So I tuned out of the Android TV Box and set the T.V. to its basic cable programming, and came upstairs to speedily get to bed before my brother completed his ongoing conversation.
I suppose that I was in bed by 9:30 p.m., and filled with unease and tension.
An hour later, it was little better. I took a bathroom break, carefully easing out of my bedroom so that my brother would not notice me from where he was reclined downstairs in his easy chair.
I was probably still awake an hour after that, but ultimately some sleep did arrive. Then when it broke and I was curious about the time, I saw that it was only something like 1:18 a.m.
I rose then, for I correctly anticipated that my brother had long since gone to bed; and I was soon at work adding content into the post I am slowly bringing to completion at one of my six hosted websites.
It was likely around 5:00 a.m. by the time I finished the bit of work I wanted to get done and was able to return to bed. By this time I was not as tense anymore, so sleep was easier to find.
Even so, I next checked the time around 9:50 a.m., and rather hastily got myself up because I generally join my brother around 10:00 a.m. on weekdays to put our Android TV Box back into operation and spare him further basic cable programming.
We watched T.V. until nearly 1:00 p.m., and then he sought some bed rest ere driving away in the afternoon as he generally does. Not once was the financial matter mentioned.
I had expected my wife home last evening or overnight, but she never showed. There is little likelihood that she will not be here this evening.
I am having such ill fortune trying to get away early in the morning for a badly needed long walk ─ I always sleep so damned poorly. And I cannot bear being abroad during the busy day.
I don't know what I can do. My life seems nothing but tension and unrelenting disappointment.
At least my income tax refund finally showed up today in my chequing account ─ I had delivered my tax return back on March 8. Never have I had to wait anywhere near this long. No doubt, I can thank COVID-19 and the lockdowns / shutdowns for that delay.
It is now just after 7:00 p.m., and my brother will likely be showing up at any time now, so I want to be finished with this post. Some of the tension is returning. I am even considering making myself scarce, but there is nowhere for me to go where I could remain for any length of time ─ I have no friends or other relatives anywhere near whom I could visit (I do not drive).
I feel so accursed and alone.
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